I never get invited out to dinner with local businessmen and the damn fuzz

So, there’s a doins’ a-transpirin’ this week in college football.  What follows is a snapshot of as much of it as I could fit in a post, within reason.

NFL Lockout Over; Buckeye Free Agents Snatched Up

Football fans rejoiced over the conclusion of the lockout and the announcement that the 2011 NFL season is going to proceed as scheduled.  Canton, Ohio lost its cherished Hall of Fame Game, but football fans in general can at least look toward the 2011 season as a certainty.  Fantasy football will follow and fans everywhere will watch as the 2011 season unfolds.  SPOILER ALERT: it concludes when the Cleveland Browns, that fair and noble squad, finish 19-0 and win the Super Bowl.

More importantly, Ohio State’s undrafted free agents have now found homes.  Perhaps no man in America was more popular the past 24 hours than Dane Sanzenbacher.  Sanzy was contacted by nearly every team in the league before settling on the Chicago Bears over the Cincinnati Bengals (*whew*).  Dexter Larimore signed with the New Orleans Saints.  Justin Boren joins Andy Moeller in Baltimore; Moeller was Boren’s offensive line coach when both were at Michigan.  Brandon Saine and Devon Torrence head to the NFC North, being scooped by defending world champions Green Bay and Minnesota respectively.  Both Bryant Browning and Jake McQuaide were signed by the St. Louis Rams respectively, making the Rams the NFC branch of the Ohio State Buckeyes Alumni Association.

As always, we wish them all individual success, though may they fall in defeat to the hands of the venerable and mighty Cleveland Browns.

Terrelle Pryor Officially Blacklisted by Ohio State

…and it appears that Ohio State did Terrelle Pryor a solid in doing so.  Pryor was having issues of eligibility, not (just) for Ohio State, but for the supplemental draft.  Pryor’s problem was that the supplemental draft is only available for players who have an unforeseen change in eligibility that prompts them to abruptly pursue the professional route.  This follows, for example, when a player quickly becomes ineligible by way of poor academics, or ineligible for, say, being on the take.  A college football player cannot just declare for the supplemental draft, as Pryor appeared to do.  He could still have squeezed in (and probably would have), but this was becoming an issue.

Ohio State changed that when it announced that Pryor would not have been eligible for 2011, presenting the necessary condition of a “change of circumstances” that makes him eligible for the supplemental draft.  The letter cited Pryor’s unwillingness to cooperate with NCAA and Ohio State investigators, stripping him of his right to play in 2011 after the five game suspension.  The “blacklisting” makes him ineligible to be on the receiving end of tickets for home games and ineligible to use the team’s athletic facilities.  He is still allowed to make use of Ohio State’s academic facilities, also opening the door for the continuation of his education.

So, yeah…

Alabama Has Some ‘Splainin’ to Do

As many of you know, I live in Tuscaloosa.  The population of this town is about 100,000 (maybe just shy of it), but that’s only because the United States Census counts disgusting trolls w/ ridiculous looking bangs as people.¹  Yes, they’ve been total bastards about everything that’s happened to Ohio State’s program.  They’re total bastards about most things.

So, the fact that they’re now having to sweat eligibility issues for star players makes me grin ear to ear, though I don’t expect much to come of it.  For those unaware, various high profile players for the Crimson Tide have been photographed at various functions with Tom Albetar, the proprietor of a store called T-Town Menswear in University Mall in Tuscaloosa.  I can actually say I’ve been in that store, but haven’t said more than four words to the guy in question.²  Those words were “oh no thank you”, in response to a question of if I needed help looking for a tie.  I did not.  I found no tie to my liking, did not exchange goods for services there and my eligibility with the NCAA, thus, remains unaffected.

The shenanigans themselves are your standard fare, something spiritually similar to what was levied against Ohio State’s program vis-a-vis Dennis Talbott.  Players were photographed with Albetar in the store in what ostensibly appears to be a promotional activity, which is frowned upon by the NCAA.  Further, signed gear (at these same quasi-promotional activities) are displayed prominently in the store (and they are) and are even sold.  I don’t expect much to come of it.  Most of the gear (that I saw at least) are from recent alumni like Julio Jones, Terrance Cody, Javier Arenas, Greg McElroy, Mark Ingram and so on.  They’re all free to do that when they exhaust (or concede) their eligibility.

The one problem is Trent Richardson, the Heisman hopeful at tailback who the Rammer Jammers will be expecting to carry the load for the team in 2011.  The evidence against him looks far more suspicious than that against any other player that Clay Travis is trying to shoehorn into this.  This doesn’t appear to be a systematic problem for Alabama, but a case where they may want to be double or triple sure about Richardson.  I mean, that picture you see at the top of the post should not be naturally occurring for a current student-athlete.  It really shouldn’t, unless that’s at a recognized charitable fundraiser.

Alabama has issued the standard denials/taking our own action/nothing to see here, something not at all dissimilar to what Ohio State did.  If nothing else, this will mute the locals regarding Ohio State’s own difficulties.

Yours Truly, Interviewed by Penn Shtaters

The crew at Linebacker-U, my favorite Penn Sthate blog, is now the crew at Black Shoe Diaries, the most visible Penn Shtate blog on the internet.  Since we are frenemies and love to hate each other, they offered me a second interview.  If you recall, I gave a somewhat inebriated and verbose reply to their inquiries last year.³

They thought it was funny enough to invite me back again, this time for a bigger audience.  Therein, I talk about the ongoing NCAA issues and what it’s meant for recruiting and Fickell’s chances for the full time gig.  They also called me a ditzy chick of a blogger, which, yes.  Yes I am.

Last year, I also invited Tim (the interviewer for both features) into the accusing parlor, where he stood accused of various items of intrigue.  I’m trying to get him back for another go-around in the accusing parlor, but Tim might be gunshy from his first trip.  He knows that when I accuse, I accuse with prejudice.

Elsewhere…

Prep school wide receiver target Michael Thomas, who is a product of Woodland Hills (CA) Taft in the San Fernando Valley (the best valley) was profiled by Eleven Warriors… Current USC coach Lane Kiffin, and not Tennessee, will be hit with a failure to monitor charge… Larry Scott (Pac-12 commissioner) and Pat Haden (USC Athletic Director) are a bit incredulous over how Ohio State’s NCAA problems are being resolved, failing to see the beauty of the previous point…

1. You know the kind: sunglasses on a strap around the neck, fishing shorts as formal wear, a can of Skoal in one hand, a Budweiser in the other and the worst command of the English language conceivable by a native speaker.
2. At least, I think it was him.  It might have been the other guy.
3. I was in Ann Arbor for the month last year and typed my responses after a couple of beers.

Gibson found a good fit with the Steelers, as much as I despise that team.  Gibson was popular among the Steelers coaches at Ohio State’s Pro Day festivities precisely because he could thrive as an attacking outside linebacker in Buckeye alumnus Dick Lebeau’s 3-4 scheme.  He will join a second round pick from Virginia Tech, Jason Worilds, as a collegiate defensive end having to make the transition to outside linebacker, but, already, Gibson’s service as the weakside “Leo” defensive end for Jim Heacock should assist him.  Yes, it is the same position that Vernon Gholston played, who has struggled greatly in his two seasons as a pro.  Nevertheless, Gibson showed more versatility at the same position (arguably less explosiveness as a pass rusher) and has the athleticism to serve the Steelers well on special teams… as the Steelers are getting trounced by the venerable Cleveland Browns.

Doug Worthington was selected in the 7th round to join him in Pittsburgh.  Nominally a defensive tackle at Ohio State, I am fairly certain Worthington will be asked to serve the Steelers as a strongside defensive end in their 3-4 scheme.  Beyond that, I don’t know what else to add to Worthington and the possibility that he is on the roster in the fall.  Not the most athletic player, Worthington can nevertheless use his size to fill up space on the line of scrimmage.

Kurt Coleman was picked by the Eagles with their compensatory pick, completing an exodus of Buckeyes to the Keystone State.  Being drafted so late in the 7th round is probably not what Kurt Coleman expected, but Buckeye fans will probably ensure the oblivious Eagles fan that they are getting high value for that pick.  Coleman himself may attest to something like that.  Coleman will try to bring some aggression to the Eagles, likely starting out on special teams (if he is on the active squad in time for the 2010 season) before working to crack the two-deep on defense.

I was not expecting Austin Spitler to be drafted, but those that know more than me were telling me to not be surprised if the Dolphins don’t try to take him in the 7th round.  Sure enough, they were right.  My only complaint now was that the Dolphins did not have the last pick in the draft as Spitler was just a few picks away from being the 2010 NFL Draft’s “Mr. Irrelevant”.  Spitler had a great workout at Pro Day and the Dolphins, quickly putting together a Big Ten All-Star Team in South Beach, swooped him up with their last pick in the draft.  Spitler will have to make the transition from  a strongside linebacker in Ohio State’s 4-3 defense to an inside linebacker in Miami’s 3-4 defense.  Given what I wrote about him a few months ago, I am very excited for him and hope he can stick in Miami.

While these four Buckeyes will forever get to tell their future children and grandchildren that they are of an elite class of athlete (comparatively speaking) that was good enough to be drafted into the NFL, several other Buckeyes secured try-outs and invites immediately following the draft.  Briefly: Jimmy Cordle and Jake Ballard are en route to the New York Giants, Ray Small will head to Minnesota, Rob Rose will try out with Pete Carroll’s Seattle Seahawks, Lawrence Wilson will head to the Bears, Anderson Russell to the Redskins and Aaron Pettrey signed a free agent contract with the Carolina Panthers.

As always, Godspeed to all the former Buckeye players as they pursue their dreams.

In a non sequitir aimed at fostering conversation, how did your pro team of choice do over the weekend?

Miscellany

• So, there was a spring game, right?  Yep, there was.  I am going to try to recap all of it on a post for Monday.
• Again, by Buckeye standards, having a 4th rounder and three 7th rounders is disappointing.  There was a minor tizzy about there being no Buckeye taken after the first two days of the draft, despite selections from Indiana and Purdue and a forthcoming pick from Northwestern (Corey Wootton).  The last time the Buckeyes had no one taken in the NFL Draft was 1998.  You may remember that 1998 team; minus one colossal blunder, it was ridiculously good.  The 2010 NFL Draft should say more about the upcoming 2010 season for Ohio State than it does about a faltering placement rate in the NFL.  But that’s just my opinion.

This game probably serves as great satisfaction for Malcolm Jenkins.  I do not need to remind you how his previous championship forays ended.  While the second half of those games were non-competitive… sigh… Malcom Jenkins actually made his greatest impact in the second half of the Super Bowl.  Listed as probable with a sore hamstring, Jenkins saw extended playing time on defense.  He was matched against Austin Collie throughout the second half.  Minus being burned once by Collie before the 2 minute warning (too much postum-fueled Mormon Speed for Jenkins to handle), Jenkins played admirably on defense, hopefully establishing the finishing touches for a great sophomore season.  His other exploits include breaking up, and nearly picking, a pass by Peyton Manning, TFLing the dickens out of Collie on a quick screen, and corralling a Colts kick returner who, in all good conscience, should not have taken that kick out of the end zone when he was so deep in it.

As for Will Smith? Well, he was mostly invisible this game (1 tackle), but he now adds a Super Bowl championship to his football accolades, which already include that great 2002 season for the Buckeyes.

Beyond wishing Buckeyes pros well, I’m agnostic in most games that do not feature the Cleveland Browns.  Indeed, I’m inclined to think that the MVP of Super Bowl 44 was Betty White.  However, this is surely exciting for Jenkins and Smith.  It will probably make my business week in New Orleans in 10 days that much more interesting.

Alas, football is now finally over, unless you’re into the CFL… NTTAWWT.  Come back soon.

The Spring Game gets higher priority in my apartment (presuming I can get a connection on one of the websites streaming the game), but I’ll provide at least passing interest to the first round of the NFL Draft to see where our Buckeye alumni will be A) ending up and B) making millions of dollars.  I understand traffic is light around these parts over the weekend, so perhaps this thread will mostly be a running tally of my own observations.  It’ll be stuff that I’d otherwise twitter, but the traffic load on Twitter makes posting anything difficult sometimes (at least, from my experience).  I’m going to make Gabby comment too, because I know he has nothing else to do unless he didn’t weasel out of the company picnic like I did.

11W already offered their thoughts on important factors this game.  It basically covers anything and everything I would’ve said, so it would not be worthwhile to say what’s already been said.  However, I’ll go ahead and add a few more observations.

• I think the Gray team wins the scrimmage, if for no other reason than it’s the team with Terrelle Pryor and Justin Boren.
• …and still I have the worst case scenario of the offensive line looking clueless this whole game for both the Scarlet and Gray sides.
• Watch the recruiting wire after the game.  For the past two years, the Spring Game has been Christmas in April for Ohio State recruitniks.  The 2007 Spring Game gave us Michael Brewster and JB Shugarts and the 2008 Spring Game gave us Dorian Bell, among several, several others.  That said, I can’t think of any names off the top of my head in the 2010 class that may provide an immediate commitment.  Lamarcus Joyner is the most important name in attendance.  He’s certainly interested in the Buckeyes, but it’d be unreasonable to expect a Spring Game commitment from Joyner.  Nick Montana may or may not be in attendance.  BuckeyePlanet has a list of important visitors for this game.
• Jake Ballard and Jake Stoneburner are on the same team as Terrelle Pryor.  Both, especially Stoney, have had great springs so far.  Watch what happens accordingly.

Ken, loyal reader from western New York, will be posting Block O Table questions on Monday, so stay tuned.  Lastly, on the NFL Draft, here’s my ill-informed predictions (barring any draft day surprises):

• Jenkins and Beanie will go back-to-back to the Saints and Texans respectively.  A two tailback system for Beanie in Houston (w/ Steve Slaton) will be really helpful in his transition to the NFL.
• I don’t see Laurinaitis falling further than the first pick of the second round to the Lions.
• Ohio State: NFL Factory.  They are second only to the Hurricanes.  This will continue this year.
• The Cleveland Browns will likely take Orakpo or Raji.  Their defensive line needs help.  Mangini can always take Mark Sanchez or Michael Crabtree too, but only if he wants me to cry.
• Whatever the case, the Cleveland Browns finish 16-0 in the regular season in 2009.  The playoffs will be cancelled and the Lombardi Trophy presented to the Browns after beating Jacksonville 77-0 in the regular season finale.

On a related note, the offer is still on the table for someone else to “host” the next month’s discussion.  Loyal reader Ken offered to put together a set of questions and summarize the responses, but I haven’t heard back from him.  If you have a blog and can host it there, perfect.  If not, you can always use this blog to handle things.

Which reminds me: I’m considering opening up the blog to guest articles as it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that I’m struggling to care about this blog in light of work responsibilities and the need to make the best of the limited hand of cards I was dealt with (that is: Tuscaloosa).  It may become a call to arms in the next month or so, but part of me just wants to post once a week and better know stuff.  In the meantime, if you have an idea for post, want to flesh it out into something substantive, but don’t want to go through the hassle of starting up a blog: let me know.  Part of this comes from the fact that I may also be out of the country with mom¹ sometime in the summer.

On point:

Bloggers: The Silver Bullet, Team Secret Falcon, Fear the Elf

Commenters: El Caballo de Sangre, Todd (not of the Boeckman variety), Ken

01. I’m not sure if you heard, but the Spring Game and the NFL Draft are the same day: April 25th.  This is rather unfortunate considering how many Buckeyes are in the NFL Draft and how many of them are likely to be taken the first day.  Assume you can: A) Go to the Spring Game and watch the Brew Crew (hopefully) show the future of Ohio State football is bright OR B) Stay at home, not watch the Spring Game, and follow the NFL Draft.  If forced to such a binary position, what would you do? Why?

There appears to be a consensus here: we would all much rather watch the Buckeyes scrimmage than we would watch the TV getting aggravated that some NFL team with a carniverous jungle animal nickname is taking way too long to make a draft pick that we all know is coming.  The only person who didn’t necessarily express it in these terms is Team Secret Falcon (TSF).  TSF is throwing a bachelor’s party for his friend and will try to have his cake and eat it too.

Todd (not of the Boeckman variety) (hereafter: TNB) and Mike @ Fear the Elf (hereafter: FTE) both offered their sentiments in the expected direction, but provided interesting anecdotes worth considering.  TNB probably won’t watch the Spring Game or the NFL draft given his work obligations as a shooty hoops referee.  The Spring Game is certainly paramount, but admits that he has bad juju.  Spring Games he attends are usually followed with disappointing seasons.  In which case, TNB, from all of us: stay. away. from the Spring Game .  Elsewhere, FTE noted that he’s already been to an NFL Draft, so there’s no real lore there anymore.

Ken, Drew @ The Silver Bullet (TSB) and El Caballo were all unequivocal in their answers: Spring Game, without question.  This is the obvious choice for me as well.  My only regret is having to admit that I only went to one Spring Game while I was a student at Ohio State.  It was the spring of my senior year and, thus, I got to watch a starry-eyed Beanie in action.  That was neat.  Since living in exile in Alabama, I think I’d watch the football team do its laundry or play a game of backgammon.  Something, anything.  That said, it depends on what happens Friday afternoon, but I may end up going to the Alabama spring game (or “A-game”, as the locals call it here) if a friend of mine is going too.   It should be interesting.  If I go, I’ll make sure to wear my scarlet and gray.  I’ll probably hand out truth leaflets like the street pastors do.  Alabama fans haven’t quite internalized that Orlando Pace, and NOT John Hannah or Andre Smith, is the best offensive lineman in college football history.  Again: Orlando Pace.

02. We all wish our Buckeye alumni well at the next level of football, but let’s be negative nancy for the moment.  Which of our possible first day picks in the draft (Jenkins, Beanie, Laurinaitis, Robiskie, and I guess Freeman) do you fear will struggle the most at the next level?

Only two Buckeyes were really mentioned here by everyone involved: James Laurinaitis and Beanie.  Both were mentioned for the obvious reasons.  Moreover, I believe everyone mentioned both Buckeyes in their individual answers.  Ken is the only one who mentioned just one of the two (Beanie).  TSF mentioned just about everyone.

The hesitations surrounding James Laurinaitis follow from what critical Buckeye fans and — of course — Penn State fans have said about him for two years now.  He’s good, sure.  However, his impressive stats oversell his actual capabilities.  As El Caballo, TNB and TSB remind us, he has a problem shedding blockers.  This problem didn’t appear to get rectified over his 3 years as a starter (and All-American).  Other problems are worth considering: he takes poor angles every now and then, overpursues.  He can correct and make the tackle, but the point is moot if the ballcarrier is past the second level.  It’s not like Laurinaitis’ poor 40 times of late have helped him here either.  FTE recognizes much of this, but also is optimistic that he could perform just fine if he finds himself in a Tampa-2 defense.

Beanie is mentioned for even more obvious reasons.  His injury history is a serious cause for reflection for any team thinking about drafting him.  As Ken said, he’s not playing against Akron or Nerdwestern anymore either.  There’s some optimism among the audience that answered these questions that Beanie is a Pro-Bowl talent if he can avoid the injury bug.  However, his history, especially recent history, still resonates.  I agree with much of this as a cause for concern, but there is reason for optimism.  Beanie appears to be the only Buckeye currently rising on NFL draft boards at the moment, or at least is the most visible Buckeye doing so.  Moreover, I think a few of Beanie’s headaches can be attributed to just how bad our offensive line was in 2008.  Beanie succeeded in spite of his offensive line.  His long touchdown run against the Nerds is the case in point.  If he can get drafted to a team that can pull and trap better than the Buckeyes did and if he finds himself in a two back system initially, his transition to the NFL should go well.

03. Conversely, which of the remaining Buckeyes in the NFL Draft do you think will have the greatest success in the NFL?

There was finally some variation in the answers here.  Everybody went a different route with their answers.

El Caballo is right in saying that there’s a reason Alex Boone was thought of so highly as a high school senior and by draft analysts while Boone was a Buckeye.  If he can get his act together, Boone is a quality tackle in the NFL.  However, it seems like he’ll be a right tackle if he makes it anywhere in the NFL.  Moreover, I’m not optimistic at all that Boone can fix the problem of his work ethic and behavior.  What have we seen while he was a Buckeye — or residing in Orange County, California — that suggests he’s mature enough for the NFL?

Others went with receivers.  TNB thinks Rory Nicol has a shot.  As he said, just because Tressel doesn’t like using tight ends as anything other than blockers doesn’t mean that our tight ends are crap.  Ken thinks Robiskie could impress as well.  There’s certainly a future for him in the NFL as a third down, possession receiver.  TSF feels this as well.  If we don’t expect him to be a vertical threat, then Robo should do just fine.  TSB went with Hartline, who was my mancrush before this disappointing 2008 season.  He’s impressed in agility drills and may just as well prove himself in the NFL for a team that guesses correctly and drafts him (or signs him as a UFA).

Not that these aren’t all good choices, but I’m a little partial to Nader Abdallah.  He’s the only one of the bunch that came on strong as a senior.  His heart is in the right place, he finished strong, and I think the right position coach for him could turn him into a formidable contributor for some NFL team.  I’m not expecting him to be an all-star, but I think he could pull down a steady paycheck in the league.   Whatever the case, as I mentioned earlier, I’ll be pulling hard for him.  Of course, I wish all our Buckeyes well… even Alex Boone.

04. For concerns of either this individual’s legacy at Ohio State or the team’s chances at returning to the BCS in 2009, who needs to shine the brightest and prove himself at the Spring Game?

Most people put their own spin on this.  This is always good.

Ray Small naturally came up.  TSF mentioned that his career highlight may be a punt return for a touchdown against Ohio.  Outside of that, most people seem to remember his skull getting cracked against Minnesota in 2006, or his father.  The ultimatum from TSF was quite clear: do something or get out of our lives forever.  TNB mentions Ray Small in this respect as well.

Brandon Saine also made an appearance.  El Caballo’s comments underscore what some people are beginning to feel about Saine: he might be the most disappointing recruit of the Tressel era.  He has two years left to make a name for himself.

TSB mentions Andre Amos, with good reason.  The secondary is going to be either very interesting, or very nerve-wracking in 2009.  This depends on how well your stomach is resistant to ulcers.  Amos seems to be the heir apparent to the other corner spot, but his injury history doesn’t sit well.

I was a little surprised to read Terrelle Pryor mentioned so many times.  Of course, it’s not like the commentaries on Pryor by the contributors this week are misguided.  He’s the sophomore quarterback and returning starter and he will need to show he’s improved as a passer.  TNB mentions Pryor definitely needs to work on the intermediate passing game.  His interception against Michigan is visual confirmation that he can improve in reading defenses.  Ken’s bent on Pryor is a little more interesting, since he’s more interested in the psychology of Pryor this offseason.  He was thrown into a tough spot as a true freshman and showed some flashes of brilliance, but looked like a bit of a headcase at times.  Moreover, the uncertainty by which he ended the season in January 2009 still lingers (injuries and the like).  A strong performance in a week and a half will go a long way in allaying the uneasy minds of Buckeye fans.

Michael Brewster also makes an appearance via FTE.  Let’s face it: the 2008 offensive line may have been the worst offensive line I ever saw play of all teams in 2008, even including the Sun Belt and C-USA teams that I got to see play.  I’m not kidding.  That line was probably the worst in the Tressel era.  Brewster, who was one of the better parts of that line, is one of only a few returners.  However, he needs to get a lot better and I’m sure he knows it.  His youth and the precarious position he occupies (as a leader off the field) means that he needs to step up in 2009.  A strong showing in the Spring Game would be nice.

These are all fine choices.  Since it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to watch the Spring Game², I’ll be reading everything I can about the offensive line in the Spring Game.  I’m also of the mentality that this is the Brew Crew’s chance to shine.  A few will be redshirt freshmen.  More than a few are either returning starters or likely starters in 2009.  The time is now, gentlemen.  There is a youth movement in Ohio State football this season.  Growing pains are anticipated, but how severe they are will be determined from here into August.

05. In that same breath, what relatively unknown commodity has the breakthrough performance at the Spring Game that Taurian Washington had at last year’s game (though nothing came of it for the 2008 season).  What Buckeye do you think will steal the show?

Lots of variation on this one as well, and all of them are good choices.

El Caballo starts this off by sharing my enthusiasm about James Jackson, but also mentions Garrett Goebel as a name to know.  Goebel, of course, was a special teams standout at DT in his redshirt year.  This will be his first season in pads on the sidline.  Feed the warrior, Garrett.  Meanwhile, TNB is look for some productivity again from Taurian Washington, as well as other Brew Crew members like Andrew Sweat, Etienne Sabino and Lamaar Thomas.

TSB and TSF both went with Brew Crew members who redshirted in 2008.  TSB seems to have made a wise choice in picking Orhian Johnson.  By all accounts, he’s been impressing so far this spring and seems like a safe pick to steal the show on April 25.  TSF went with Jake Stoneburner.  If he even has 3 catches and 27 yards, Buckeye fans will be that giddy that we threw to our tight end.

Donnie Evege. May death come swiftly to his enemies.

Extra Credit

EC. I understand not everyone who reads this blog is an Ohio State graduate, but I thought about asking this anyways.  What is your favorite moment on campus that’s not connected to an Ohio State sporting event?  If there’s a funny story about a house party on Ohio State’s off-campus, or a whimsical story at one of Ohio State’s many fine watering holes, or something else that’s not simply being in Ohio Stadium for a Buckeye victory, please share.

I have to admit: I was very disappointed with the answers here.  That is, I’m not disappointed with anyone who provided some answers to this.  Rather, I’m disappointed that my college friends — who I know read this blog — didn’t use this as a guise to share one of our many stories or use this question as cover to try embarrass me.  Tsk. Tsk.

Everyone else provided some great stories that I’ll copy and paste below.  It’s best to let them tell it in their own words.  After all, everyone experiences that wonderful campus differently.  All these stories were cool, so I don’t claim to have favorites.  I’d add one of my own, but I never had much of the conventional college fun.

El Caballo

E.C. On-campus: In the 70’s my Dad was a professor at OSU, and he did a lot of his research on weekends (isotope geology – figuring out how old rocks are). Me and my brother spent endless hours just roaming around the Oval, Mendenhall Labs, the Union, the Orton Hall museum (I used to have nightmares about the giant sloth skeleton), Mirror Lake, the old Larkins, etc. I have an almost mystical connection to that campus (or, more properly, the way that campus USED to be).

Off-campus: I met my ex-wife at Papa Joe’s when she crooked her finger at me from across the bar.

Todd (not Boeckman)

Years ago, I was commuting back to campus every weekend from Cleveland to visit my then girlfriend who lived in Drackett Tower. One very cold winter weekend we went for a walk with some friends to Mirror Lake. That year, the fountain had not be turned off before everything froze and there was a 5-6 foot tall mountain of ice and snow out in the middle of the frozen lake. I went to “climb the mountain” and busted a couple who were in the “cone” of the what turned out to be a hollowed out mountain while they were trying to scrog each other. The girl was nekkid from the waist up and nicely endowed. The guy was sufferring from the temperature outside.

Fear The Elf

One time I was visiting a couple of buddies who went there. On a Saturday night, we had kind of planned to go out looking for a place to imbibe alcohol (none of us were yet 21).

Wandering around the north part of campus, we found an outdoor basketball court. On the court were some truly awful basketball players taking their game WAY too seriously. The 4 of us decided to call “next”. We picked up a straggler to round out our team.

Mind you, we went out destined for social interaction, and were dressed for that, and not shooty hoops. Our 5th player asked who our team consisted of, and my buddy answered him, “Me, collared shirt over there, khaki shorts over there, and dress shoes over there.”

We ended up killing the guys we were playing against. But I’ll never forget my buddy explaining our team garb, or the site of my friend trying to catch a lob in sandals.

Team Secret Falcon

i dont know how i can possibly do this story any justice in blog form, but ill give it a go anyway…

its a saturday night after a home game in 2003. i cant remember which one. i live in shithole of a house located at 156 east lane avenue with about one hundred of my closest buddies. its between high and indianola.

a few football players live a couple doors down from us. think linebacker type guys. one of their ex-girlfriends lives next door to us and she hangs out with us frequently. her linebacking ex-boyfriend hates us for this reason.

one of our most favorite things to do is called “the box of justice” – a simple, yet genius way to pass idle time. all you do is take an empty 12 pack box of beer, fill it with bricks, and place it on the sidewalk at a slight angle so that it looks like any other random piece of trash you would find on a college campus. when drunken 18-21 year olds see this box lying on the sidewalk, they basically have no choice but to kick it as hard as they possibly can, causing them to fall over in pain while we chant “BOX KICKER!!” in their general direction as loud as possible. it looks like an empty box of beer. you cant help yourself.

we have been using this method of entertainment for a couple years, and we have always openly feared that at some point in time one of the football players is going to kick the box and either hurt themselves to the point where we would be directly responsible for ruining the entire season, or they would be so enraged that they had been had, that they would end our lives via their box-of-justice-fueled-rage.

one night, after said home football game, a group of 7-10 football players are walking past our house en route to their house. we have a box of justice setup. we see them approaching and cant help but feel that something bad is about to happen. as it turns out, we were right.

one of their buddies was a rather important part of that 2003 team that had to use his feet for specific duties on a game-to-game basis. he saw the seemingly empty box of natural light and went right after it. he wound up, took a mighty swing, and promptly mashed his foot directly into a pile of bricks.

shit.

yeah, they were not happy about this turn of events. their group of 10 people rushed our group of 10 people who were basically sitting ducks on our front porch. one of my buddies was pulled into their dog pile of destruction and i somehow thought it was a good idea to dive in after him like any good (and drunk) friend would do. after an intense 30 seconds of pushing, shoving, and name-calling, cooler heads appeared to prevail. they told us something to the extent of “if we ever so much as see you guys ever again, we are going to literally murder you with our bare hands” – we believed them.

as we turned around to go inside and lick our wounds, the drunkest roommate i have ever had in all of my years jumped out of his window and onto our roof. he had heard the skirmish and was intent on helping to defend his friends.

he had been sitting in his room for the last couple of hours with the door shut, smoking cigarettes, drinking vodka, and listening to metallica. think motivational speaker matt foley, but less hilarious and more tragic.

as the football players sauntered off of our property, they were greeted by my roommate chucking empty beer bottles directly at their heads while screaming “leave my friends alone!” and as if that wasnt enough, he was also wearing nothing but a child-sized donavan mcnabb jersey that came down to well above his navel. yes, thats right, he was completely naked from the waist down.

the sheer shock of this happening gave us the valuable seconds we needed to run into our house, lock the doors and turn off the lights, as the football players had decided after almost being mortally wounded by flying beer bottles that they had reconsidered their decision to not kill us.

as they pounded on our front door and we urinated all over ourselves due to the fear of death, i thanked god that drunks have bad aim with empty beer bottles.

for as long as i live, ill never be able to wipe that sight from my minds eye – a grown man, fully naked from the waist down, throwing beer bottles at the scariest, most pissed off and most intimidating dudes i have ever seen in all my life.

go bucks.

1. Hi Mom!
2. …not unless we get ONN here in Alabama… oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please.

Incidentally, while I enjoy reading your thoughts, compiling them into a synopsis can be rather tedious (just because of the enormity of responses I get).  If anyone is interested in “hosting” the Table for the next month (asking the questions, summarizing the responses), feel free to let me know.  You don’t need to have a blog in order to ask the questions or summarize the answers.  You can just send the questions and synopsis to me and I can post it on behalf of you.  All credit will be given where appropriate.

Without any further stalling for time, the questions appear below.  This month’s topic will be looking ahead to the Spring Game, as well as the NFL Draft.  Feel free to elaborate on your answers.

01. I’m not sure if you heard, but the Spring Game and the NFL Draft are the same day: April 25th.  This is rather unfortunate considering how many Buckeyes are in the NFL Draft and how many of them are likely to be taken the first day.  Assume you can: A) Go to the Spring Game and watch the Brew Crew (hopefully) show the future of Ohio State football is bright OR B) Stay at home, not watch the Spring Game, and follow the NFL Draft.  If forced to such a binary position¹, what would you do? Why?

02. We all wish our Buckeye alumni well at the next level of football, but let’s be negative nancy for the moment.  Which of our possible first day picks in the draft (Jenkins, Beanie, Laurinaitis, Robiskie, and I guess Freeman) do you fear will struggle the most at the next level?

03. Conversely, which of the remaining Buckeyes in the NFL Draft do you think will have the greatest success in the NFL?

04. For concerns of either this individual’s legacy at Ohio State or the team’s chances at returning to the BCS in 2009, who needs to shine the brightest and prove himself at the Spring Game?

05. In that same breath, what relatively unknown commodity has the breakthrough performance at the Spring Game that Taurian Washington had at last year’s game (though nothing came of it for the 2008 season).  What Buckeye do you think will steal the show?

Extra Credit

EC. I understand not everyone who reads this blog is an Ohio State graduate, but I thought about asking this anyways.  What is your favorite moment on campus that’s not connected to an Ohio State sporting event?  If there’s a funny story about a house party on Ohio State’s off-campus, or a whimsical story at one of Ohio State’s many fine watering holes, or something else that’s not simply being in Ohio Stadium for a Buckeye victory, please share.

1. Either/Or is the question here.

I think I speak on behalf of everyone involved with this blog that we don’t recognize the legitimacy of any NFL playoffs where the Cleveland Browns do not participate.  Further, the Steelers are no friends of ours.  But, if Ohio State’s season must end in some kind of soul-crushing disappointment, we take some kind of comfort in knowing that an alumnus of the Buckeye football program will win a Super Bowl ring in just a couple weeks time¹.

Congratulations, and enjoy the moment.  You earned it.

1. see: why the last Super Bowl sucked so much wang.

The Browns are ready to go! Don’t believe me?

Romeo looks ready to roll. fo sho.

Here is a great website of old Cleveland Browns songs from the 80s if you want to a) annoy a loved one, b) display your lack of taste in music, c) get excited for browns football, or d) all of the above.

We’re going to win the Super Bowl!

UPDATE: D’oh

Of course, we will be watching the NFL Draft to see where the Gun Show lands. Yet, I’m dismayed to hear Kiper and McShay ramp up their criticism of Gholston in the final week of the draft. It’s one thing to make note of this as he declared, but why am I only hearing about it now?

Oh, and a new YouTube is up. One of the other highlight plays of that Notre Dame game. Enjoy.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_qLo_HpIAY

No Cleveland Browns + Paula Abdul + Ryan Seacrest + Fox Sports = No Ratings. At least not from my side.

Mike Vrabel at the Texas game

So Go Mike Vrabel! and Bam Childress! and Go Bucks! So, therefore, go Patriots? With a Michigan quarterback?

Meh, the Super Bowl is lucky that there’s nothing good on that there TV anyways.

Update: and there’s a Nick Lachey sighting. I thought Buckeye fans ran him out of the sports world after he thought it’d be special to sing The Victors on top of Ohio Stadium?

Alicia Keys wants me throwing my hands in the air. I will do no such thing. It’s not 2001, Ms Keys; you are no longer relevant (if you ever were).  The fun part is that I had to stare at the moving pictures box for a minute until I realized who she was, and that wasn’t until she started singing that wretched “Fallin’” song I couldn’t avoid in high school.