Bowl Game Lineups, plus: Loretta Young. Worth noting that the 1955 Rose Bowl was profiled in that particular TV Guide. 'Twas a good one for us.

Did Christmas treat you well?  I hope it did and that you got all the presents you wanted.  Your friends and family probably can’t do much about your #1 wish:  all undefeated everything for Ohio State athletics and that something like the scandal that bothered Ohio State throughout this calendar year never happens again.  With that in mind, hopefully you got some nice socks and shirts from Santa, if nothing else.

With Christmas itself in the rear view mirror, college football’s postseason continues, culminating a slew of games on New Year’s Eve and the day after New Year’s Day.  Given the 2011 calendar year is what it is, that creates a nice Saturday/Monday distinction (for the sake of these features) with Sunday being reserved for the NFL.  What follows is a discussion of the bowl games on this week.

Monday

• Missouri v. North Carolina [AdvoCare Independence Bowl] (ESPN2, 5:00pm ET).  AdvoCare is a nutritional supplements company; you will see commercials featuring spokesperson Drew Brees during the course of this game.  I can’t forgive for the SEC for a lot of things, and high on that list is dropping this game as a bowl tie-in.  This is the second year that the SEC has no affiliation with this bowl game played in Shreveport, Louisiana.  It’s unfortunate because Shreveport is their “Detroit”, if you will.  It was less a bowl game for some SEC team, and more of a punishment for programs like Alabama in 2006 and 2007 and Georgia in 2009.  With that in mind, Missouri’s selection into this bowl game constitutes something akin to this phenomenon, given Missouri’s disappointing 2011 season and its entry into SEC play next year.  On the opposite sideline is North Carolina, whose head coach we will acquire as an assistant upon conclusion of this game.  Naturally, you have a rooting interest now.  I have a mini-tradition with this bowl game; I can only watch it drunk.  My dad and I have a box ‘o’ PBRs.  I should be ready come tipoff.  You have been warned.

Tuesday

• Western State Up North v. Purdue [Little Caesar's Bowl] (ESPN, 4:30pm ET).  The B1G gets on the board with its first bowl game, featuring the aforementioned punishment for the last B1G TEN team selected into a bowl game.  This time up, it’s Purdue.  Danny Hope, whose is undefeated* against Ohio State in three years in West Lafayette, earned a two year extension for being selected into the bowl game that was largely the downfall of the Joe Tiller era.    Purdue’s opponent is a directional school from That State Up North; and it is no slouch on the gridiron.  The 8th ranked passing offense in college football with a top 20 scoring offense to boot, the Broncos were the ones that went into Oxford, Ohio and knocked out the Redhawks from the MAC Championship Game hunt in late November.  I am very bearish on the B1G TEN in this year’s bowl arrangements.  Barring a superhuman performance from Kawann Short, Purdue might start B1G TEN bowl game season with a body blow.
• Louisville v. North Carolina State [Belk Bowl] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Belk is a retailer that is prevalent in the South, and a prominent retailer in Tuscaloosa (where I live).  I had to look up what this bowl game used to be before Belk bought the naming rights.  It is formerly the Meineke Car Care Bowl, played in Charlotte.  Louisville is one of the three co-champs of the Big East.  7-5 Louisville (yes I said Big East champions) is the low man on the totem pole in the Big East’s BCS tie-breaker, which sent West Virginia to the Orange Bowl and Cincitucky to the Liberty Bowl.  They’ll play North Carolina State, who… did North Carolina State do anything this year?  This might be the first time I’ve said anything about them this entire year.  They’ve appeared in only 4 TV Guides on this season, but never on their own merits.  They’re 7-5… umm… an ACC team and, oh yeah, they’re in North Carolina. Hence: North Carolina State.  There, now you know.

Wednesday

• Toledo v. Air Force [Military Bowl] (ESPN, 4:30pm ET).  I still can’t forgive this bowl game for ditching “Congressional Bowl” name after the planning/exploratory phases.  It’s played in RFK Stadium; you have to name it that, no questions.¹ In only its fourth year of existence, this bowl game has struggled to find an identity.  I don’t think the name it had previously — “EagleBank Bowl” — did it any favors.  Geographically, I think it’s shooting for the ACC market with a service academy tie-in, given its location in the country’s capital.  Past games featured Wake Forest v. Navy (2008), UCLA v. Temple (2009), Maryland v. East Carolina (2010) and, this year, Toledo of the MAC and Air Force of the Mountain West.  You already know what Air Force likes to do; it’s the 2nd ranked rushing team in the country.  I’m surprised Toledo didn’t go through to the MAC Championship Game this year, but that loss to Northern Illinois proved to be a killer.  At 8-4, they’ll be coached by Matt Campbell after Tim Beckman left to replace Ron Zook in Champaign.
• California v. Texas [Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET). I think this is annually our first big name bowl game of the postseason, though I can obviously do without the corporate sponsorship.  It’s another Pac-12/Big XII affair that you would otherwise project as a “shootout” (given the bowl game’s recent history).  However, defense might carry the day.  The Longhorns and Golden Bears have the 15th and 26th ranked total defenses respectively.  Their respective total offenses? 37th and 44th nationally.  I haven’t stared at California’s roster to account for attrition next year, but Cal is our “marquee” non-conference game in 2012.  They have a young QB/WR combo in Zach Maynard and Keenan Allen.  Both are brothers (half-brothers).  Trust me, you will hear about it during this game.

Thursday

• Florida State v. Notre Dame [Champs Sports Bowl] (ESPN, 5:30pm ET).  Hey, kids! It’s the Underachiever’s Bowl.  You might remember this used to be the Underachiever’s Bowl for a B1G TEN team, though the Champs Sports Bowl rearranged its conference affiliations after the 2009 season to sub in the Big East for the B1G TEN.  In doing so, it gave itself the option of selecting Notre Dame once every four years.  It used it now on 8-4 Notre Dame, whose loss to South Florida to begin the season looks all the more curious after USF finished its season 5-7.  Meanwhile, fess up: who of you had Florida State picked preseason as a trendy BCS Championship Game pick? /sheepishly raises hand. Shame on you all, especially me.
• Washington v. Baylor [Valero Alamo Bowl] (ESPN, 9:00pm ET).  It seems peculiar for a Heisman Trophy winner to be playing a bowl game this soon, but, in the case of Robert Griffin III, it is earned.  9 wins at Baylor is equivalent to 16 wins at Ohio State and RGIII was superhuman in wins down the stretch against Oklahoma, Texas Tech and in the finale against  Texas.  Your only question is why Baylor needed overtime to beat Kansas.  If a college football season is a season of two halves (just ask Illinois), then Washington has sucked hard in the second stanza.  Steve Sarkisian’s bunch has lost 4 of its last 6 games.  On the bright side: the University of Washington just demolished its dilapidated Husky Stadium.  About time if you’re a Huskies fan, the University of Washington’s facilities are relatively ancient and the money is definitely there (in the city, at least) to improve it.  Here’s what Husky Stadium is supposed to look like, starting in 2013.

Friday

• Brigham Young v. Tulsa [Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl] (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  This is Brigham Young’s “destination” now that it is independent from the Mountain West Conference, provided that Brigham Young is not snatched up by a BCS bowl (which I hope happens in the near future because it would amuse me).  Tulsa gets the tie-in via its Conference-USA affiliation.  The Golden Hurricane (you can provide a better nickname for tornadoes, you know…) have won seven of its last eight games, though that one loss was in the season finale (a 48-16 beatdown by Houston in Tulsa).  Brigham Young turned the season around after ditching prep star Jake Heaps for Riley Nelson.  Nelson was the difference in the come-from-behind victory against Utah State.  BYU has only lost once in the seven games it has played with Nelson as starter, a 38-28 decision to Texas Christian.
• Rutgers v. Iowa State [New Era Pinstripe Bowl]  (ESPN, 3:20pm ET). All else equal, this would be the “Why Won’t the B1G TEN Take Us to the Prom?” Bowl (HT: @HS_BHGP) and you wouldn’t watch it, but Urban Meyer’s addition in Columbus has given you a rooting and watching interest.  Iowa State’s quarterback coach and offensive coordinator Tom Herman will be taking the same position at Ohio State under Urban Meyer.  Watching this game will give you a bit of a preview of what to expect next year, though Herman will be the first to tell you that his job next year is to merge what he knows with what Urban Meyer prefers from his offenses.
• Mississippi State v. Wake Forest [Franklin Mortgage American Music City Bowl] (ESPN, 6:40pm ET). “Franklin Mortgage American Music City Bowl” is a drawn out way of saying 6-6 SEC team that can’t beat anyone in its division not named Ole Miss vs. Wake Forest.  As this is the first bowl game for the SEC, it’s worth reiterating that I think it’s bullshit that the SEC doesn’t have a “punishment bowl” after it dropped its affiliation with the Independence Bowl.
• Iowa v. Oklahoma [Insight Bowl] (ESPN, 10:00pm ET). B1G TEN bowl game #2.  I noted in a previous post that I’m bearish on the B1G TEN this postseason.  My rosy projection is 5-5.  If I had “confidence points” to place on this game, I’d put them all on Oklahoma carpet bombing Iowa.  This could get ugly.

Saturday

• Texas A&M v. Nerdwestern [Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas] (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  Nerdwestern has not won a bowl game since the 1949 Rose Bowl.  Don’t believe that something 62 years in the past could be the program’s reddest letter day? Let the official YouTube account of the university underscore that point.  Against interim coach Tim DeRuyter, who will coach Fresno State next season, this has to be as good as it gets for Pat Fitzgerald to put one in the win column.  Granted, I expected them to do that last year against Texas Tech, and the Nerds still disappointed.
• Georgia Tech v. Utah [Hyundai Sun Bowl] (CBS, 2:00pm ET).  Can I admit something?  This is the bowl game that excites me the most this postseason.  I know, but hear me out.  College football is that much more intriguing  to me when two teams that would otherwise have zero interaction with each other end up in a game on a nationally televised game on a neutral site.  Georgia Tech and Utah have played each only once: the 2005 Emerald Bowl in Kyle Whittingham’s first year in Salt Lake City (the first year post-Urban Meyer).  They would otherwise never play each other and, on the field and in the stands, look so totally regionally confined that they wouldn’t even think of playing each other.  Plus, this game is in El Paso, Texas (probably the Pac-12′s “Detroit”), will be broadcasted by CBS and may be handled by Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson.  Watching them try to figure this not-SEC game out will likely be hysterical.
• Illinois v. UCLA [Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl] (ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  Illinois has an interim coach after firing Ron Zook.  UCLA now has an interim coach, after firing Rick Neuheisel whilst letting him coach their demolition in the Pac-12 Championship Game.  I haven’t done this is in a while, but this has to be the closest thing to your CRIPPLE FIGHT!!! of the week.
• Cincitucky v. Vanderbilt [AutoZone Liberty Bowl] (ABC, 3:30pm ET).  The SEC will play only two bowl games where its opponent oversigned it.  One of the two is this game since Cincitucky appears to be the latest that will jump on the oversigning bandwagon.  The other game is the BCS Championship Game.  Yes, in spite of being the school that kicked a true freshman enrollee out of college in the summer because it can’t count to 85, Louisiana State still (over)signed less than the Rammer Jammers.
• Virginia v. Auburn [Chick-fil-A Bowl] (ESPN, 7:30pm ET). Credit Auburn.  After losing so much of everything from last year’s national title squad, I thought they’d be a 5 win squad.  Instead, they’re 7-5, .500 in conference and have done just enough to play on New Year’s Eve as the #25 ranked team in college football.  In short, they’ve done better than we did.  And still, that wasn’t enough.  Gus Malzahn took the curious leap to ArKansas State and Ted Roof, defensive coordinator, was run out of town to Central Florida.  I haven’t read, definitively, that Malzahn will coach this bowl game, though it seems very likely he will.  Ted Roof won’t, and it will be Gene Chizik’s job to be the defensive coordinator in Auburn’s effort against the CavaHoos.  8-4 Virginia is one of the better stories of the college football season, making it all the way to the rivalry game against Virginia Tech with the opportunity of winning its division.  It didn’t, and was shut out 38-0 at home. But good for them.

1. Plus, there’s already a “Armed Forces Bowl” played this same week.

'Tis the season

It’s not “Capital One Bowl Week”, but it is Christmas week and the second week of bowl games for the college football consumer.  Discounting Sundays and this particular Monday, for which the NFL has a monopoly, it is also the first (basically) full week of bowl games.  The Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl may not be enough to plan the day around, but it should be enough to plan dinner around.

Including Saturday’s Hawaii Bowl, you will have four bowl games this week for your consideration.  I mention some stuff about them in what follows.

Tuesday

• Florida International v. Marshall [Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl St. Petersburg] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  That is not a misprint.  The formal name of the bowl game has that suffix of “St. Petersburg” to remind you that Beef ‘O’ Brady’s (which I’ve never heard of) thinks it appropriate to label St. Petersburg, Florida as a destination for two college football fan bases.  Formerly the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl and the St. Petersburg Bowl Presented by Beef ‘O’ Brady’s, it normally features a Big East team against a Conference USA team.  As if those will be separate conferences in the next two years.  Anyways, the Big East could not send six teams to the bowl season to satisfy all of its bowl arrangements, so the Sun Belt steps in as an alternate.  The alternate: Florida International, whose coach, Mario Cristobal, seems almost certain to be coaching in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania next year for either the Pitt Panthers or the Penn Shtate Nitts.  I really like Cristobal and it should be fairly obvious why.  Taking a program that was so starved for resources that the athletic department tried to eliminate its cheerleading program to reduce operating costs, Cristobal inherited a program whose only known means to remaining solvent were to take pin-me/pay-me games against the likes of Texas Tech, Alabama, and Penn Shate (among many others).  Cristobal’s teams started fighting back in 2010, four years into his tenure.  The 2010 season started at home to Rutgers, and on the road at Texas A&M, Maryland and Pittsburgh in consecutive weeks.  The Panthers lost all four games, but came close to winning all of them.  The season concluded with a conference championship and Florida International’s first bowl appearance, a win against Toledo in the Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl.  This year, Cristobal finally punked an opponent in a pin-me/pay-me payout game, knocking off future Big East co-champion Louisville on the road.  As such, he may have earned a better gig in a BCS conference.  Depending on who you read and whose sources you have, he could be Pitt-bound after this game and is wanting to hold off negotiations of his departure so to not distract his players.

Wednesday

• Texas Christian v. Louisiana Tech [San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  This is #18 Texas Christian’s third trip to San Diego for bowl season, following previous trips in 2006 and 2008.  Curious too.  This is the second tier bowl game for the Mountain West Conference in terms of tie-ins and the Texas Christian Battletoads (that’s what they’re called, right?) are the outright conference champions.  However, the Maaco Bowl Las Vegas® gets to move first in its selection regardless of placement in the final standings, and they wanted Boise State.  Texas Christian will just have to settle knowing that, next year in the Big XII, winning the conference championship means a much nice bowl game.  On the opposite sideline is Louisiana Tech, whose nickname for football is “Bulldogs” when it should absolutely be “Techsters” (which the lady sports use).  The team has a quintessential Hal Mumme stamp, led by Sonny Dykes and with an offense coordinated by Tony Franklin.  Their resume is impressive.  Winners of seven straight, three of their four losses on the season were by 1 point to Houston, 2 points to Southern Miss, and in overtime at Mississippi State, who ‘sposed to be SEC.

Thursday

• Arizona State v. Boise State [Maaco Bowl Las Vegas] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  One mistake — just one loss — and Boise State is back in Sin City.  The 1pt loss in Boise against eventual Mountain West champion Texas Christian cost them what would have been a sure chance against LSU in the Superdome, given how screwy this season has been.  Instead, they return to Las Vegas and will play the Arizona State Sun Devils, led by lame duck coach Dennis Erickson.  You will recall, Erickson was fired this season for having a usually underperforming squad start 5-1, and finish 1-5 in its final six games.  In related news, Boise State is going to win this game by a million billion points.

Saturday

• Nevada v. Southern Miss [Sheraton Hawaii Bowl] (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Southern Miss’ reward for upsetting Houston in the Conference USA championship game, denying Houston a BCS bowl, and costing the Conference USA millions of dollars is a trip to Hawaii for the holidays.  I never understood the lure of Honolulu, Hawaii; it’s just not for me.  Still, having been to Hattiesburg, Mississippi? Yeah, I’d take Hawaii any day.  If you’re accustomed to seeing the Hawaii Warriors host their own bowl game, recall they’re bowl ineligible this year.  So, the Hawaii Bowl, therefore, goes to the #3 team in the Western Athletic Conference, which happens to be the 7-5 Nevada Wolfpack.  The WAC has only three bowl tie-ins and the best of them goes to the last of them.

Bowl game details, and Doris Day. Sounds like a win.

It’s the most, wonderful time, of the year.

December is my favorite month of the calendar year and, hopefully, Christmas time is one of your most wonderful times of the year as well.  One reason why I like this month so much happens to be bowl season.  Originally known as “bowl day” back in your parents’ adolescence, the explosion of college football’s popularity, combined with the big corporate money being introduced into the picture, has (for better or worse, mostly worse) made “bowl day” into “bowl season”.  I question how necessary this is.  In a context where the BCS has given rise to America’s latest dumb obsession with accurately measuring the second best team in college football, a series of meaningless exhibition games involving either meager programs with minute fanbases or bigger programs with horribly disappointing seasons can’t be expected to be the best thing for college football.  This is doubly true when the introduction of corporate sponsorship has made it unclear why the bowl game is important or why anyone should care about winning the [Latest dot.com Bubble to Burst] Bowl.  Alas, I like footbaw.  You like footbaw.  So we watch footbaw, even when it’s mid-December and the bowl games are being sponsored by trucking companies or food stuffs of which I’ve never heard.

So, here’s what’s on this Saturday while you’re watching Ohio State shooty hoops.

Saturday

• Temple v. Wyoming [Gildan New Mexico Bowl] (ESPN, 2:00pm ET).  I’m disappointed in the New Mexico Bowl.  This is the first time in the bowl’s six year history that it has a corporate sponsor, being on of the last holdouts (for sheer lack of interest, no doubt).  Enter Gildan, a clothing manufacturer based out of Montreal, Quebec, Canada.  As you might have guessed, that is not indigenous to the state of New Mexico and the peculiar history of America’s first to last continental state.¹ The inaugural Gildan® New Mexico Bowl pits the Temple Owls against the Wyoming Cowboys.  Temple seems like an odd fit for this bowl game, and for good reason: the Mid-American Conference does not have a tie-in to this bowl game.  It is supposed to pit the 7th and last Pac-12 team against a Mountain West team.  Even after giving 6-7 UCLA a bowl waiver (later cashed into the Kraft Fight Hunger (oy…) Bowl), the Pac-12 does not have enough bowl-eligible teams after sending both Stanford and Oregon the BCS.  So, Temple it is.  You might actually want to root for Temple this game.  It’s a possibility we’ll be poaching Steve Addazio’s staff for some assistant coaches.  If you had asked me a week ago, I would’ve been confident Chuck Heater would be one of those coaches.  Knowing what we now know about Everett Withers, we could still poach Temple for some coaches.  This time, it might be Zach Smith.  He is a possibility as a wide receiver coach.  He’s also Earle Bruce’s grandson and former grad assistant for Urban Meyer at Florida, Zach Smith’s alma mater.
• Ohio @ Utah State [Famous Idaho Potato Bowl] (ESPN, 5:30pm ET). Ohio’s reward for blowing a 20-nil lead in the MAC Championship Game is a trip west to balmy Boise, Idaho to play in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, one of the few corporate sponsorships that makes the slightest bit of sense.² It’s an unfortunate outcome for Frank Solich, who found his way to Athens after getting canned at Nebrasky that is now hiring his fourth head coach at Pittsburgh in a year.  The move has been great overall for the Bobcats; Solich might be the best they’ve ever had.  Opposite Solich on the sidelines is Utah State head coach Gary Andersen, who just got a contract extension for a 7-5 season best remembered for almost beating defending national champion Auburn in Auburn to begin the season.  But that’s not the news about Gary Andersen you probably read.  For a 7-5 season with no signature win, not even over a then very “meh” Brigham Young squad, the bowl game means he had to make good on a promise to his players to get a tattoo of the school’s logo on his upper back.  I imagine this will be very awkward when he’s interviewing for BCS jobs in a few years.
• San Diego State v. Louisiana-Lafayette [R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl] (ESPN, 9:00pm ET).  I was new to the Deep South when R+L Carriers started sponsoring this bowl game in 2006, having not a clue in blue hell what R+L Carriers was.  Without being too bothered by it to Google it, I found out eventually two years ago when I got stuck behind one of their freighters while driving through Mississippi (don’t ask).  It seems like San Diego State is one of those programs that would rather host its own bowl game if it were bowl eligible to begin.  Last year’s Poinsettia Bowl (in San Diego) was the Aztec’s first bowl game since 1998.  Their last bowl appearance before that? The 1991 Freedom Bowl.  Before that? The 1986 Holiday Bowl against Hayden Fry’s #19 Iowa Hawkeyes.  Before that? 1969… the Pasadena Bowl!  Remember that one? That was the Junior Varsity Rose Bowl.  In that particular installment, San Diego State College, led by the legendary Don Coryell, beat Boston University 28-7.  So, this is uncharted territory for the Aztecs.  This is uncharted territory for Louisiana-Lafayette as well.  It’s the Ragin Cajuns’ first postseason ever as a college football program, excluding the 1970 Grantland Rice Bowl when Louisiana-Lafayette competed in the Small College Division and then 1944 Oil Bowl, when Louisiana-Lafayette competed against community colleges in the National Junior College Athletic Association.  For their first ever appearance, it seems nice that it gets to stay in-state and bring its fanbase (which is into the double digits, I’m sure) to New Orleans.  Consider it a perk for 2005, when Lafayette hosted the New Orleans Bowl in the wake of damage done to New Orleans as a result of Hurricane Katrina.

1. I thought it was last.  Apparently it beat Arizona into the Union by about a month.
2. It was formerly the Humanitarian Bowl, because sending two cash-starved programs out west on their own nickel to play in Boise in mid-December counts as humanitarian.

I Googled "TV Guide" "cover" and "trophy", and this came up. You're welcome.

Ohio State is in the clubhouse in Week 14.  Unlike previous years, the clubhouse in 2011 is more a purgatory where the Buckeyes await a bowl fate that does not sound the least bit appealing.  In past years, Ohio State would watch teams with conference championship games knock each other around for its amusement.  The best of it came in 2007, where a loss by Missouri in the Big XII Championship Game cemented Ohio State’s trip to the national title game.  I think we won that.  I’m pretty sure we won that.  Yeah, we won that.  We had to have, right?

Anyways, Ohio State fans are still licking their wounds from a 2011 season that will go down in history as one of mankind’s most awful crimes.  With that in mind, maybe we’re all distracted because of the latest news tha-URBAN URBAN URBAN URBAN URBAN.  Ohio State looks to the future, while watching some football on the side.

Here’s what’s on your moving pictures box this week.

Thursday

• West Virginia @ South Florida (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  This game is on as I write this post.  Maybe I’m just a petty person, but should the Big East really be playing games during what is essentially Championship Week for other, better conferences like the SEC and the Conference-USA?  Here’s West Virginia’s deal: they need to win to secure at least a share of the Big East championship in Dana Holgorsen’s first year in Morgantown.  Presently, that would put them in a three way tie with Cincitucky and Louisville, leading to intransitivity atop the conference (Louisville > West Virginia > Cincitucky > Louisville, et cetera).  Louisville’s season is already concluded, so they already have a share of the Big East crown.  As for who gets the BCS bid?  Hell if I know.  Actually, to hell with it, just give Alabama a second BCS game. #rowtadrow

Friday

• Ohio vs. Northern Illinois (ESPN2, 7:00pm ET).  MAC Championship Game.  If you bemoan the unnecessary bells and whistles of big time college football and still yearn for a time when college football was just the next logical extension of other versions of the sport at the amateur level, there’s a lot to like about the MAC.  This is especially true for its version of the conference championship.  Win your division in the SEC, go to metropolitan Atlanta.  Win your division in the B1G, maybe go to Chicago (in the near future).  Win your division in the MAC, go to Detroit.  Ohio State fans may want to watch this one.  The 6-6 Buckeyes may play the winner of this game in, yes… Detroit.¹
• UCLA @ Oregon (FOX, 8:00pm ET). Pac-12 Championship Game.  I’m disappointed the Pac-12 decided to do this like the Conference-USA.  The Conference-USA started the concept of the first team to qualify for the Pac-12 Championship Game having the privilege of hosting it.  So, unlike the SEC, the B1G TEN and the ACC, there is no “destination”.  SEC fans drive to Atlanta, Pac-12 “fans” have to make a trek to Eugene, Oregon. Mmmm-yes.  I’m disappointed because I guess I had thought this game was going to be played in Las Vegas, Nevada.  That’d be kinda cool.  Anyways, I can’t make sense of why even bother with this game.  Because the Pac-12 even has a conference championship game, Stanford is basically shutout of the BCS Championship Game.  If this were last year, they could use the quirks of this year to squeeze in on a one loss record and decent resume.  In addition, the only reason 6-6 UCLA is in this game is because the USC team that beat the hell out it by 50 last week is still bowl ineligible.  It doesn’t stop there.  UCLA fired its head coach, effective Saturday morning.  The team hoisted Rick Neuheisel on its shoulders after its final practice. In the (inevitable) event UCLA loses this game to Oregon (by a lot), UCLA got a bowl waiver to go to some bowl game with a 6-7 record.  Plus, this game is on FOX.  Dancing robots for everyone.

Saturday

• Southern Miss @ Houston (ABC, 12:00pm ET). Conference-USA Championship Game.  Houston is undefeated and Southern Miss, despite a considerably stupid loss to hopeless UAB, is 10-2 on the season and #24 team in the country.  This might be the most underrated game of the day.  It will likely be what I’m watching at this time slot because Big East games will be on ESPN and ESPN2.  I wonder what this must be like for Houston.  Houston met my preseason expectations to bust the BCS.  If they win, they’re in the BCS as an at-large with almost no questions asked.  Its 6th year quarterback Case Keenum has like a bazillion passing touchdowns on the season and has all of the NCAA passing records — all of them — in a mantle on his dorm room wall. Still, it seems almost a metaphysical certainty that Houston’s coach, Kevin Sumlin, will be somewhere else as early as January.  Like Brian Kelly in the 2009 season, he might complete an improbable undefeated run and not even be around for the Sugar Bowl (likely destination, just like Cincitucky that year).
• Syracuse @ Pittsburgh (ESPN2, 12:00pm ET).  Don’t even bother.  If I find out you were watching this game, I’m unfollowing you on Twitter and de-friending you on Facebook.  Actions have consequences, people.  And you need to learn that.
• Connecticut @ Cincitucky (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  If you must watch this, watch to spite the Bearcats.  If they lose, they’re out the Big East race.
• UNLV @ Texas Christian (Versus, 2:30pm ET). Texas Christian concludes its Mountain West obligations on Saturday with a big ol’ trollin’ smile on its face.  In spite of getting jobbed by the Mountain West Conference out of hosting a Week 11 matchup against new acquisition Boise State, the Battletoads flew to Boise State and beat the Broncos and the Mountain West crew officiating that game.  As such, Texas Christian already has a share of the conference crown regardless of what happens on Saturday.  In addition, it denied the Broncos from a trip to New Orleans to play the SEC champion for the national championship.  Keep on’ trolling, Battletoads.
• Texas @ Baylor (ABC, 3:30pm ET).  Is this Mack Brown’s last game in Austin, Texas?  He’s the highest paid coach in college football and, at his current salary, he’s being paid approximately a million dollars for every game he wins.  It is thus disconcerting that Mack Brown has only 8 wins this season.  His salary isn’t that large (obviously), but the wins to dollar ratio is not what Texas boosters want for Brown’s salary and the 60 year old Brown could be feeling the pinch.  Meanwhile, Baylor is going for its second straight win over the Longhorns.  Should they be successful, Robert Griffin III could very well bring a Heisman to Waco, Texas. Whodathunkit?
• Georgia vs. LSU (CBS, 3:30pm ET).  SEC Championship Game. Right, got it.  Buckeye fans should watch for Greg Studrawa, who I so dearly want to come to Columbus as an offensive coordinator, though I am unsure of the prospects.  Question, if Georgia wins this game, by SEC rules, that means they play for the national championship, right?  Does Georgia play LSU in New Orleans?  Is it a three-way match pitting LSU v. Georgia v. Alabama?  If so, make it a ladder match and I’m in!
• Brigham Young @ Hawaii (ESPN2, 7:30pm ET).  Brigham Young, at Hawaii?  Is this a football game or a mission?
• Oklahoma @ Oklahoma State (ABC, 8:00pm ET).  Oklahoma State has not defeated Oklahoma in Bedlam since 2002.  Then head coach: Les Miles, who did Ohio State a considerable solid by removing Oklahoma from national title conversations once and for all that year.  If Oklahoma State reverses that trend on Saturday at home, it has the best chance at leapfrogging Alabama at #2 and preventing this whole stupid rematch thing from happening.  But, with that in mind, you almost know that won’t happen.  Oklahoma losing its second game on the season to Baylor almost guarantees that they win this game and fuck things up.
• Virginia Tech v. Clemson (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  ACC Championship Game and a rematch of Virginia Tech’s only loss on the season, a 23-3 drubbing at home in Week 5.  Virginia Tech is a team to watch if you really don’t want a rematch to happen, also taking for granted Oklahoma State will wang Bedlam.  Tech has the hotter hand as Clemson — losers of three of its last four games — has faltered down the stretch.  If the Hokies win, and look impressive in doing it, that might convince enough voters to monkey with their 2/3rds of the BCS formula and send the Hokies to New Orleans.  On Saturday night, we are all The Key Play.
• Michigan State v. Wisconsin (FOX, 8:17pm ET). B1G TEN Championship Game.  Oh, inaugural B1G TEN Championship Game, for the Stagg-Paterno Trophy.  Didn’t see you there.  But that’s probably because the B1G TEN was the first conference to remove itself from the BCS national championship picture completely, opting out of the national conversation in the middle of October.  In fact, don’t be surprised if a game between a hockey school and a basketball school devolves into a discussion of Urban Meyer, with sporadic sideline appearances by that damn dancing robot.  Seriously, FOX ruins everything.

1. To be clear, the Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl is not compelled to take the MAC #1 team, but it does have first pick of bowl eligible MAC teams.  The #2 team in the MAC goes to Mobile, Alabama to play in the GoDaddy.com Bowl.  I love how delightfully screwy the MAC is.

The OHD Accusing Parlor

It’s been many nights since I last gathered you all in the accusing parlor.  The last time we gathered in the accusing parlor, we gave Tim, then of Linebacker-U, now of Black Shoe Diaries, so thorough an interrogation that he has yet to return.  I have no doubt the intensity of that session in the parlor has induced such a great shame among him, and a notoriety of the parlor in general, that few dare to enter.

It is with that in mind that you are all gathered in the accusing parlor this afternoon to accuse @paradigmshift35.  Respecting his nom de guerre while nevertheless accusing him with a viciousness otherwise reserved for the most brutal of police interrogations, I should note that our subject in the parlor runs the general interest college football blog Throw the Flag.  In addition, he is the resident screencapper and editor for Busted Coverage, a new blogging appointment for him.  Most importantly, for our sake here, our subject in the accusing parlor is a graduate of the University of Florida and will be here to be interrogated on a variety of topics regarding Urban Meyer and the Florida Gators.

And you know what they say, if you ain’t Gator, you gator bait. If you Gator? J’accuse.

OHD: When you think of The Ohio State University, what comes to mind?

Answering this question honestly will make every Ohio State fan instantly hate me, but the first thing I think about when I hear The Ohio State University is the 2006 BCS National Championship game (ed. note. *cough*) and what it was like to witness it while attending the University of Florida (ed. note. *COUGH*). Before that game (ed. note. *COUGH*), I would have answered “The Horsehoe”, “The Nuthouse”, and the Ohio State – Michigan rivalry.

OHD: You recently published a blog post telling Florida fans to dial down the internet courage, not begrudge Urban Meyer for his decision, be grateful for his six years and not reduce it to simply Tim Tebow. With that in mind, is there any part of you that is at least a little bitter or frustrated that Meyer is back coaching this soon? There’s no wrong answer here.

If anything, I feel more bummed about it rather than angry. There are a million internet rumors out there of why Urban Meyer left Florida. For whatever reason he left, it was obviously good enough for him and if the coach doesn’t want to be there, then it is the right decision to leave. I have no hard feelings about it at all. You have to do what’s best for you and your family. I equate the situation to an ex-girlfriend, you’re not dating anymore so you can’t get mad when she starts seeing other people so don’t act like an idiot about it.

OHD: The first domino has fallen in terms of Florida defections to Ohio State after Urban Meyer. Mark Pantoni, Director of Football Administration and Recruiting Coordinator, is following Meyer to Ohio State to take the same position. DJ Durkin (linebackers coach) and Mickey Marotti (strength and conditioning coach) are also rumored to be coming north as well, with the latter of those two a more likely defection than the former. What do you make of these potential losses and the actual loss of Pantoni?

The loss of Pantoni is huge and that is very frustrating for a Florida fan to stomach but the same thing as before, if he would rather be at Ohio State, then he should go to Ohio State. I’ve never been sold on DJ Durkin as a coach so this answer may be very biased. I’ve never had anything against him as the Linebackers coach but I’ve seen a huge drop off in the Special Teams game after Meyer relegated the job to him and also in the 2011 season. Les Miles converted a 4th and 3 on us in 2010 for a game winning touchdown and no one was prepared for it. The next year, Brad Wing of LSU scored on a 40-something yard fake punt that was later called back for taunting. Our players were out of place for that play. Florida has blocked a lot of kicks but other than that. The special teams play has dropped off considerably. Mickey Marriotti would be a HUGE loss. The guy gets those recruits into shape and is very passionate. He even looks to be somewhat involved on the sidelines of the game as well.

OHD: One question that immediately comes to mind regarding Urban Meyer is his 2010 season, his final season in Gainesville. It was the first post-Tebow year and one that saw offensive productivity plummet as the Gators experimented with gadgets like the “banzai” tempo and, the worst (I thought), trotting three quarterbacks in the huddle and lining one at H-back and another at receiver. What did you make of that season for Meyer and why it seemed the Gators missed Tebow more than they probably should have, given Meyer’s credentials as a coach and recruiter?

Time to Dive.

I think that falls mostly on Offensive Coordinator Steve Addazio. His play calling was extremely predictable and was known for running the dive play with our smurf backs constantly. At the same time, it is the head coaches job to make sure the right Offensive Coordinator was in place. Losing Dan Mullen was huge to the Florida program. Even in 2009 with Tebow, that offense did not live up to it’s potential. I also think that John Brantley wasn’t ready for primetime yet and got his confidence destroyed when Center Mike Pouncey constantly snapped the ball 20 feet over his head. That season was pretty terrible but not as bad as this one. The good thing for Gator fans is that now all of those annoying bandwagon fans are officially off.

OHD: Tell us about Urban Meyer’s health situation from the perspective of a Gators fan and how it led to successive retirements in 2009 and 2010. How confident are you that he has learned to manage his health in order to thrive as both coach and husband/father.

I definitely believe that there were some serious problems there. I know people with similar reported symptoms that he reportedly had and it’s not to be taken lightly. No one should give up their health for their job no matter how much they pay you. I don’t feel I have the necessary information to answer if he has learned to manage his health in order to thrive in both of those areas. I certainly hope he remains healthy. I think a year off coaching definitely could give a person the tools to deal with whatever issues were had.

OHD: Talk to us about the Gators. Arguably the team of the decade, the Gators unarguably have been the SEC East team of the past two decades. That seems to have given way as the Gators have struggled in the past two seasons to assert itself as the premier mover and shaker in the division and in its conference. Does it look that much better going forward? What do you see happening in Gainesville and the trajectory of your program under Will Muschamp?

The Gators have definitely taken some huge steps back that they will have to overcome to get back to elite status. Other programs that we face regularly are doing better in recruiting, but the Gators are still getting very good recruits under Will Muschamp. I think Will Muschamp can turn the program around but he needs to be given some time. I’m not certain that Charlie Weis is the answer. In my opinion, he should be given at least another year to see what he can produce with his own recruits. It’s not easy transitioning from a spread offense to a pro-style offense in one year. The defense hasn’t played that bad this year except in the Alabama and LSU games who are arguably the two best teams in the nation. I’m interested to see what will happen. I see us trending up. We can’t get any lower.

OHD: Just as an aside, what do you make of Charlie Weis? I feel like this accusing parlor would be incomplete without me interrogating you about that. I was stunned to see him as a target for anyone’s staff at the college level. Opinions in Gator Nation seem to be split as well, with those incredulous that he is even there in the first place and those wanting to see what he can do with a little more time. Where do you stand?

I answered most of this in my last question but yes, expectations were not lived up to. Also, John Brantley was not even close to 100% for most of the season. It seemed as if Brantley improved a lot. The kid just could not catch a break. Weis was forced to play two True Freshman against Alabama and LSU. I don’t care what plays you call, you aren’t going to do well. I want him to be given more time but also a short leash. Muschamp is more of a defensive minded coach.

OHD: Ohio State fans have prior evaluations of Urban Meyer stemming from, in his own words, “60 minutes in January 2007″. We’ll leave it at that. Those evaluations have likely changed after the hell on Earth that Buckeye fans have suffered this year. It is still probably the case that we do not know Meyer as well as Gator fans know Meyer. If you could tell Buckeye fans how Meyer will pleasantly surprise them, what would you tell them? In addition, if you could warn them about Meyer, what would you warn them about?

The only warning I could give you is that he may struggle in his first season. That has been the trend in the past but it looks as if Braxton Miller was built for Urban Meyer so I could be incredibly wrong. Other than that, I have absolutely no warnings. He is as good as advertised. He is a relentless recruiter that recruits and parents both love. He pulls out victories and also recruits the kids that may not have high star rankings but turn out to be stars. See Brandon James, who was a 2 star recruit.

Extra Credit¹

OHD: You recently did an interview with Urban Meyer’s eldest daughter Nicki, who is a volleyball player at Georgia Tech. You also proposed marriage to her and she accepted. When are the nuptials and where are you registered?

I did just interview Nicki Meyer. She was great to work with and I had a ton of fun during the interview. We trolled “OSU” a little in the interview but I wanted to make the interview more about her rather than who her dad was. If I had a famous father, I wouldn’t want to be asked the same questions about him over and over. I did propose marriage and she jokingly said yes. The “date” of the wedding is May 26th. Send all gift ideas to ParadigmShift35@gmail.com!

OHD: Any last words?

Thanks for having me at Our Honor Defend. I hope I was helpful in all of this. You guys are getting one hell of a coach.

OHD: Until next time…

1. Because every session in the accusing parlor needs extra credit.

Jim Bollman, waving to the OSU Media

Good morning and welcome to my first foray into the OHD Universe.

First off, my name is Chris Holloway and I have been a Buckeye fan for as long as I can remember, despite being born in Omaha and currently living in California. My whole family are Buckeyes, from my dad who played for Woody, to my two uncles who shot the round ball, to my aunt who worked in admissions. We are the consummate bleeders of Scarlet and Gray.

Secondly, I’d like to thank the OHD family for welcoming me with open arms into their kitchen, sitting me down, and force feeding me brussell sprouts until I exploded. The garlic was a nice touch, Margie.

From now on, I’ll be handling a wide variety of duties here at OHD headquarters including, but not limited to: dishes, mopping, French braiding Michael’s hair, and of course, covering Buckeyes news and games. You can expect that I will bring a certain brand of complete homerism to my articles, sprinkled with a dash of humor, and a healthy side order of facts and figures.

Now that I’ve made all my food and kitchen jokes, let’s get to the meat of today’s post. (Ok, one last food joke)

Sunday marked both the end of the college football regular season as well as Head Coach Firing Day. Here’s a rundown of the coaches that are now looking for other employment.

No fewer than 8 head coaches in FBS football were relieved of their duties. Rick Neuheisel of UCLA, Ron Zook of Illinois, Paul Wulff of Washington State, Turner Gill of Kansas, Rob Ianello of Akron, Dennis Erickson of Arizona State, Neil Callaway at UAB, and Larry Porter of Memphis were all sent packing. Some were deserved, some not so much.

Zook was a dismal 34-50 (18-37 in the Big Ten) in his 7 years coaching the Fighting Illini, his best season coming in 2007, when they shocked the Buckeyes en route to getting blown out by USC in the Rose Bowl. Zook was, at the time of his firing, the longest tenured coach in the B1G. That honor now goes to Kirk Ferentz of Iowa. Zook was just 1-1 in Bowl Games, the lone win coming in 2010 in the Texas Bowl against Baylor.

Wulff never lived up to expectations at Washington State, having lost 4 consecutive Apple Cups to the University of Washington, and amassing a paltry 6-32 record over 4 seasons.

Gill was in just his second season at Kansas, and in my opinion, didn’t really get the shot he deserved in trying to rebuild that program. To be honest, Gill faced an uphill battle, as Kansas has been, and most likely always will be, a basketball school. Gill put together an abysmal 5-18 record in his two years after taking over for

Ianello, he of the post game whining in the loss to Ohio State, was just another in a long string of coaches that couldn’t bring Akron to prominence. Rumors are that Akron will be looking at Luke Fickell for their head coaching position and there is even a rumor that they will contact Jim Tressel. One has to think that Tressel will be served with a show cause penalty by the NCAA and that Fickell might decide to stay on the OSU staff should the position be offered. The worst thing about the Ianello firing was not that he had an impossible job in living up to unrealistic expectations, but the manner in which he was fired. Reports are that he took a call on his cell phone on his way to his mother’s funeral that let him know that his services would no longer be required. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Erickson’s lasting legacy at ASU was the 2007 season, where he took the Sun Devils to a 10-3 record in just his first year as head coach. Unfortunately, he could not string together consecutive seasons of decency, posting an overall record of 31-30 and the only bowl appearance a loss in the 2007 Holiday Bowl.

Neil Callaway was just the third head coach in the history of the University of Alabama-Birmingham, resigning after 5 years, posting an 18-42 record. The Blazers best season came in 2009, when they managed a 5-7 record (4-4 CUSA East).

Porter, who helmed the Memphis football team (who even knew that Memphis fielded a football team?), led his team to a subhuman 3 wins over two seasons and finished dead last in the CUSA East both of those years. Taking over for Tommy West, Porter just could not get it done, and now the Tigers are on the search for a new head coach.

One name that surfaced early Monday morning was Rick Neuheisel of UCLA. Since he will be retained until Friday after the Bruins lose to Oregon, there is not much to say about him as he’s not technically moving today. However, I will say that his bold proclamation that the USC dynasty in LA was over largely did not pan out. Neuheisel leaves the university with a 21-28 record, but did bring them the inaugural Pac-12 Southern Division Championship. His best season came in 2009 when the Bruins posted a 7-6 record capped by a win over Temple in the EagleBank Bowl.

Lastly, and perhaps of most importance to Buckeye fans, is Jim Bollman. Yes, I know Bollman is not a head coach, but he IS the coach that most of the Scarlet and Gray faithful wanted to see sent packing. With ESPN’s announcement of the Urban Meyer deal, it is an almost certainty that #walrusball will not be making an appearance in Ohio Stadium for many years to come, unless the Akron Athletic Department has an aneurism and decides to offer the offensive coordinator a new job.

For now, Buckeye fans, revel in the fact that we have quite possibly the most coveted head coach in the nation, and that the aberration that happened on Saturday will not occur for many years to come.

Brady Hoke has been well-represented in past TV Guides. Good for him. Good for him.

Ohio State’s regular season concludes Saturday in Ann Arbor, That State Up North.  The moment that game concludes, Buckeye fans everywhere look toward 2012 and the prospect of Urban Meyer coaching the program into the future.  The season where we were supposed to “shock the world” and “silence the doubters” has been anything but that, making Saturday’s game the best chance the Wolvereenies have had for a regular season-ending victory in some time.

Today is Thanksgiving.  It’s a time where we give thanks for our family and friends, mindful of how the passage of time’s constant stream can abruptly take loved ones out of our life.  It’s a time where we appreciate the privilege we have to shove food in our gullets, good food even, respecting the good grace and fortune we have to do so.  It’s also a time where we give thanks for being Buckeyes, the greatest, most noble fraternity in the world in which membership automatically makes us superior to everyone else who chose alternative paths.  They must be made to suffer for their transgressions.  It’s a week for thanks and, given changes in the B1G TEN, it’s a week for hate.  Yes, the Hate.

Here’s your viewing schedule for Week 13, or Hate Week.  Consistent with last year’s Hate Guide, you will also be told who you should hate while watching.

Tuesday

• Miami of Ohio @ Ohio (ESPN2, 7:00pm ET).  Ohio won this game, 21-14.  So, umm… yeah.  Hate on: Miami of Ohio.  Miami’s stupid loss to Western State Up North at home in Week 12 handed Ohio the MAC East crown.  All else equal, this would’ve been a divisional championship game.

Wednesday

• None.  Seriously.  There were no football games at either the pro or collegiate level for the first time since October 19th.  I blame you, Ann Arbor.

Thursday

• Texas @ Texas A&M (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  There is a very, very good chance this day is reserved for the NFL on your television.  To recap, the Packers play Detroit on FOX (12:30pm ET), the Dolphins play in Jerry World on CBS (4:15pm ET), and the nightcap has the Harbaugh Bowl in Baltimore on the NFL Network (8:20pm ET).  This is the only college game in town.  It will also be the last scheduled meeting between the Aggies and the Longhorns for the forseeable future.  For those unaware, Texas A&M found Texas’ patently inegalitarian exploitations of the Big XII (the Longhorn Network in particular) to be so odious that it opted to join the SEC.  Yes, Texas A&M would rather have Alabama, LSU, Auburn, and ArKansas run a train on it every year than have to deal with the Longhorns.  That’s something.  Hate on:  It depends.  If Texas wins and doesn’t chant “BIG TWELVE”, hate Texas.  If A&M wins (again) and doesn’t spray paint “SEC” over the Big XII field logo, nWo style, then hate A&M.  Otherwise: don’t give a shit, eat turkey, watch some NFL footbaw.

Friday

• Eastern State Up North @ Northern Illinois (ESPNU, 11:00am ET).  Footbaw at 10am central time? Mama likey.  Hate on: Eastern State Up North, easily.  Ypsilanti conjoins Ann Arbor.  It’s like someone dipped Ann Arbor in Kentucky grease.  It has that smell to it.
• Louisville @ South Florida (ESPN2, 11:00am ET).  More footbaw at 10 in the morning.  I’m digging this.  Hate on: South Florida.  Louisville should win to keep pace with Cincitucky, hopefully denying them a BCS spot.
• Iowa @ Nebrasky (ABC, 12:00pm ET).  Well well well.  B1G TEN football is played on Fridays now, something for which Nebrasky was accustomed in its season-ending games with Colorado.  You have probably gathered that I think the B1G TEN mostly screwed up after adding the Cornhuskers into the fold.  A tradition-laden program like the one in Lincoln is a great asset for the conference, but I maintain the conference’s subsequent incorporation measures (e.g. Legends/Leaders, splitting Ohio State-TSUN) were mostly screw-ups.  This is probably the best decision the B1G made.  Nebrasky needed a season-ending series with Iowa.  It’s not quite #THERIVALRY that Iowa-Purdue is (everything falls short of that), but it’s the second most interesting season-ending rivalry the conference has.  It’s the most natural fit for the Cornhuskers and the hope is that it can be the Legends (or Leaders?) equivalent of Ohio State-TSUN, who are stupidly in separate divisions.  Such is the B1G. Hate on:  The Legends Trophy.  This is a trophy game, and this is what it looks like.  If the B1G were to have done this right, the Cornhuskers and Hawkeyes would be playing for an unreasonably large ethanol subsidy from the federal government. Winner gets all the pork barrel spending.
• ArKansas @ Louisiana State (CBS, 2:30pm ET).  Ohhhh, God.  This game.  The first installment in the SEC tongue bathing is, arguably, the game of the week between the undefeated Louisiana State Tigers and the surging ArKansas Razorbacks, who are ostensibly #3 because of its conference affiliation.  Color me unimpressed by a Razorbacks team whose best victories are over 6-5 Texas A&M and 7-4 Auburn (at home).  Other measuring sticks include a 10 point victory over 3-8 Troy, and household names like New Mexico and Missouri State.  Hate on:  ArKansas.  They need to disappear from national conversation because they have no place in it.  Plus, an ArKansas victory would likely propel Alabama to the SEC Championship Game and, thus, the national title game.  And seriously? Fuck that.
• Boston College @ Miami (FL) (ABC, 3:30pm ET). PfffffHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hate on: Doug Flutie for maintaining stolen property from Keith Byars for over 27 years.¹
• Pittsburgh @ West Virginia (ESPN, 7:00pm ET).  Backyard Brawl.  In terms of losses, there is a 5-way logjam on top of the Big East for which — brace yourself now — Rutgers currently holds the tie-breaker.  Winner of this game knocks out the loser from that logjam and, ostensibly, the Big East race that you care not the slightest bit about.  Hate on: Pittsburgh.  I’d prefer Cincitucky to be out of the BCS to make the forthcoming bowl season that much more bearable.  WVU has a tie-breaker over the Bearcats; Pitt does not.
• California @ Arizona State (ESPN, 10:15pm ET).  Night cap!  You know how I’ve been complaining for some time that ESPN needs to pay some west coast schools — WAC or otherwise — to play a late night game to give me something to watch while I drink beer in a bar?  This is exactly what I had in mind, though I can’t imagine the bar I frequent will be open because of the holiday weekend.  See, kids, in the South, businesses close for the day for a variety of reasons otherwise unseen in other parts of the country.  These include: Sunday (because it’s the Lord’s day), fears of the second coming of Jesus (perhaps for not celebrating Sunday), being tired/lazy, et cetera.  Hate on: California.  It’s unnatural for The Big Game between Stanford and Cal not to end the seasons of both.  Because Stanford hosts Notre Dame on Saturday, California is left playing an interdivisional game against Arizona State.  Therefore, California gets my wrath.

Saturday

• Iowa State @ Oklahoma (FX, 12:00pm ET).  Oklahoma is back in action while Oklahoma State is on a bye a week after playing enabler to this loathsome all-SEC BCS Championship Game talk by losing to Iowa State in Week 12.  Seriously, with all that hedge fund endowment money, T. Boone Pickens’ University can’t buy a defense?  For God’s sake… Hate on:  Iowa State, clearly.  Barely beat Kansas in Week 11, and then knock out Oklahoma State in a game where the PA system cranked every song you’d expect to hear in a monster truck rally or professional wrestling hype video.  Thereafter, blast Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” over the PA after the students have rushed the field?  You go straight to hell.  Do not pass Go; do not collect $200.  Go straight to hell until you learn my Neil Diamond Rule: if it’s not “Cracklin’ Rosie” or “Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show”, then don’t play it.  That goes double for “Sweet Caroline”.
• Georgia @ Georgia Tech (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate.  Here is one of those lopsided rivalries.  It’s been basically all-Georgia since Bobby Dodd started sucking in the late 1950s.  After a 1956 Gator Bowl championship season, Georgia Tech has won only 15 times in 54 encounters.  Richt has only lost once to Tech, and that was Paul Johnson’s inaugural season at Georgia Tech.  Still, SEC and junk, so Hate on: Georgia.  Georgia Tech amuses me, and its fight song tells Georgia to go to hell.  It really has the most politically incorrect fight song in college football.
• Michigan State @ Nerdwestern (BTN, 12:00pm ET).  Yeah, I’m not watching this.  Hate on: Michigan State.  See you next year, sweetie.
• Ohio State @ That State Up North (ABC, 12:00pm ET).  The Hate.  It burns FOREVER.  Hate on: Everything.  Just, everything and everyone. Long may Urban Meyer reign in Columbus (after he hopefully signs a contract shortly).
• Rutgers @ Connecticut (ESPN2, 12:00pm ET).  You’re not watching this either.  Hate on: Connecticut.  Hell, if the Big East is going to continue getting a BCS bid, let’s continue sending out the silliest squad in the conference to the BCS.  Connecticut last year? Rutgers this year.
• Tennessee @ Kentucky (“The SEC Network”, 12:21pm ET).  Yeah, and you’re definitely not watching this.  Hate on: Tennessee.  Shortly after doing a chickenshit thing with it schedule, dropping Oregon and a series with UNC in favor of Buffalo, the Volunteers sit at 5-6 on the season and are flirting with bowl ineligibility.  Losing to Kentucky, who they’ve beaten every year since 1984, would be kinda sweet.
• Alabama @ Auburn (CBS, 3:30pm ET).  Oh, right.  Iron Bowl… with the Rammer Jammering of Yellowhammers and the War Eagles and the what-not.  I hate this rivalry.  If you attach a “House Divided” license plate in the front of your F-250 because your hillbilly husband is an Auburn fan and you rammer jammers, then it’s not serious.  If you’ll sleep with each other, your slight differences aren’t important.  Hate on: Auburn.  Here’s why: I’ve had a terrible streak in this series for the past two years.  I wanted Auburn to win in 2009 and Alabama prevails, getting a national title.  I wanted the opposite in 2010 and Auburn wins, ultimately getting a national title.  Therefore, I’m hating on Auburn in hopes they win, knocking Alabama out of the national title picture.  Alabama will just claim a national title anyways.
• Virginia Tech @ Virginia (ABC/ESPN2, 3:30pm ET).  Any other year — truly, any other year — and I’d be pulling hard for Virginia to win this.  If Virginia wins, it goes to the ACC Championship Game and I think that’d be kinda cool.  But, if Va Tech steamrolls its competition in the next two games, it has the best chance (of anyone) to bitch and moan about an inegalitarian all-SEC BCS title game and play the SEC champion in New Orleans.  So yeah.  Hate on: Virginia, for what I just said.
• Oregon State @ Oregon (ABC/ESPN2, 3:30pm ET). Civil War.  Otherwise known as the least interesting rivalry with a kickass name.  Oregon losing in Week 12 to Southern California takes them almost entirely out of the BCS title game picture (thanks a lot).  With two losses on the season now, nothing they do from here forward is interesting.  But, losing to Oregon State would propel 1-loss Stanford to the Pac-12 title game.  Thereafter, Stanford could weasel into the BCS Championship Game picture.  Hate on: Oregon.
• Penn Shtate @ Wisconsin (ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  Divisional Championship Game of the… … umm, Leaders? Did I get that right?  Winner plays Michigan State in Indianapolis, and I’m also very, very bitter.  Hate on: Penn Shtate.  See you next year, sweetie.
• Florida State @ Florida (ESPN2, 7:00pm ET).  Wow, what happened to this game this year?  Remember Florida State as the trendy BCS Championship Game pick?  And Florida as the perennial SEC East dominant power?  Well, Florida State is 7-4 with losses to powerhouses like Wake Forest and Virginia.  Florida is 6-5.  You’ll be watching (because it’s on TV).  You just won’t be caring.  Hate on: Florida State.  My uncle was a big Florida fan, got a lot of mileage out the run with Tebow and, obviously, the game in January 2007.  He finally succumbed to a decades-long battle with advanced diabetes.  So, go Gators this one time.  Que en paz descanse.
• Ole Miss @ Mississippi State (ESPNU, 7:00pm ET).  Mississippi State hashtagged its own Goddamn endzone.  Hate on: Mississippi State hashtagged its own Goddamn endzone.
• Clemson @ South Carolina (ESPN, 7:45pm ET).  I really don’t care.  I just don’t.  And I’m not watching this.  Hate on:  Seriously, how does the state of South Carolina not know how a bunch of discarded car tires became a mound visible from outer space?
• Notre Dame @ Stanford (ABC, 8:00pm ET).  There is nothing Stanford can do in the conference other than hope Oregon has already lost by time it kicks off against the Fighting Irish.  That would send Stanford into the conference’s new championship game.  Beating the Irish, though, would probably make Stanford the favorite (of anyone) to play the SEC champion in New Orleans.  Plus, I have a not so subtle crush on Leland Stanford Junior’s University Marching Band and the way Stanford runs Power-I makes me very, very jealous.  Hate on: Notre Dame, because nobody likes Notre Dame.  Notre Dame has zero Facebook friends.

1. That’s actually not quite true, but it’s more fun for Buckeye fans to think of the 1984 Heisman vote in that way.

Yeah, it's really an end of an era for both programs.

Ohio State’s November to Not Remember, Or At Least Upon Which To Not Dwell Considerably ™ continues into Week 12′s matchup against the Nitts.  The Nittany Lions faithful are also having their November to Not Remember, albeit for entirely different reasons that I will not belabor here.  While programs around college football are putting the finishing touches on their various conference championship runs, Ohio State’s result in Week 11 took them almost completely out of the Legends (or Leaders?) Division race.  If Ohio State won out in November, it would play in December against the champion of the Leaders (or Legends?) Division.  Instead, Ohio State must win out and pray that Illinois does them a solid by beating Wisconsin, which will not happen.

And it’s with that in mind Ohio State fans are already thinking of the end of an era.  Fickell has not had the best of help this season, but Buckeye fans are already thinking this is it for his interim run.  Though Jim Heacock has reverted to his worst elements and Jim Bollman and Nick Siciliano no longer have Jim Tressel around to do their jobs for them, it seems like it’s Fickell’s cross to bear and the glory years of Tressel for Ohio State will give way to a new chapter in Ohio State’s lore.¹ Meanwhile, it’s truly an end of an era for Penn Shtate, which is without Joe Paterno (in some form) for the first time since 1949.

Wistfulness and melancholy aside, here’s what’s on the moving pictures box.

Tuesday

• Ball State @ Northern Illinois (ESPNU, 8:00pm ET).  You were not watching #MACtion.  You were watching shooty hoops instead.  Fun story from this game: Northern Illinois won by only three at home in a game where it tallied 710 total yards and whose quarterback accounted for 100 more yards total than the opponent’s entire offense.  Such is the MAC.

Wednesday

• Ohio @ Bowling Green (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Searching for a story line for this game… searching… not finding.  Miami of Ohio’s loss last week to Temple took some of the intrigue off watching the Bobcats and the Redhawks (playing concurrently on Wednesday night) spiral toward the season finale.  Therein, the winner of that game was the clear winner of MAC East.  It could still maybe work out that way if Miami of Ohio beats Ohio in Week 14, but it would just create intransitivity in MAC East, for Ohio > Temple > Miami of Ohio > Ohio.  I don’t know the tie-breakers under those circumstances, nor do I really care. UPDATE: Ohio won and Miami of Ohio thought it important to lose, so Ohio is your MAC East champion.
• Western State Up North @ Miami of Ohio (ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  Double-fisting the #MACtion tonight.  Oh yeah.

Thursday

• North Carolina @ Virginia Tech (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Virginia Tech has to be considered in the driver’s seat to represent the ACC’s whatchamacallit division in the ACC Championship Game, where they would get a rematch with a Clemson team that pantsed them at home in Week 5.  Since Va Tech is far removed from national championship consideration, this Senior Day game might be basically irrelevant for the Hokies (beyond Senior Day’s symbolic value).  Next week’s game at Virginia will oddly determine the winner of the ACC’s whatchamacallit division.
• Southern Miss @ UAB (Regional, 8:00pm ET).  Southern Miss is ranked (#20) and Ohio State is not.  Go ahead.  Drink it up.

Friday

• Oklahoma State @ Iowa State (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Yes, that’s the #2 ranked team in the BCS playing on Friday night, otherwise known as the night you and I get drunk and watch WAC teams to celebrate the arrival of the weekend.  It’d be tempting to not mail it in against a 5-4 Cyclones team that just barely put away friggin’ Kansas in Week 11.  However, doing so in a victorious effort sets up the de facto Big XII Championship Game in Stillwater in Week 14 against the Oklahoma Sooners.  That’s nice of the Big XII too to anticipate that and make sure it was on championship weekend.
• Toledo @ Central State Up North (ESPNU, 8:00pm ET).  Go ahead, you know you want it.

Saturday

• Indiana @ Michigan State (Big Ten Network, 12:00pm ET).  No one has a clearer, or easier, road to the B1G TEN Championship Game than Sparty.  All they need to do is beat Indiana at home and win at Nerdwestern to make it official.  In fact, beating Indiana would be sufficient of the Wolvereenies can prevail over Nebrasky.
• Nebrasky @ That State Up North (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  Am I getting ahead of myself?  It’s only nine days between us… and The Hate.  It burns with the fury of a thousand blue stars. IT BURNS FOREVER.
• Wisconsin @ Illinois (ESPN2, 12:00pm ET).  Say goodbye to Ron Zook, who is rumored to be near the end of his seven year coaching stint in Champaign.  If it’s a rumor, it’s not very well kept.  Recent questions about his status manifested in his weekly press conference, to hilarious results.  Also hilarious: this.  Anyways, if Zook wants to go out with a bang, beating Wisconsin would really help.  It’s only our back door left into Indianapolis.
• Cincitucky @ Rutgers (ESPNU, 12:00pm ET).  Believe it or not: two best teams in the Big East.  Seriously.  The Bearcats finally lost their first conference game last week at home against West Virginia, and actually lost senior quarterback Zach Collaros for the season therein.  Still, it’s Cincitucky’s BCS bid to lose.  Ohio’s BCS Team, indeed.
• Iowa @ Purdue (Big Ten Network, 12:00pm ET).  It’s here.  #THERIVALRY.  The Rivalry to End All Rivalries.  The Most Rivalrous Rivalry Ever Rivaled Among Rivals.  The Greatest Rivalry on Earth.  No doubt, the greatest thing to emerge from the B1G TEN’s otherwise glorified clusterfuck to fit Nebraska into the B1G TEN was this.  The Rivalry.  You will be witnesses. To history.
• Kentucky @ Georgia (“SEC Network”, 12:21pm ET).  Georgia could grab the first spot in the SEC Championship Game by beating 4-6 Kentucky at home.  All South Carolina can do is watch and pray, since it finished its SEC schedule in Week 11 against the Florida Gators.  Georgia fans are probably torn between wanting that spot in the SEC Championship Game, and hoping Richt wangs it against Kentucky.  Playing in Atlanta in two weeks would jeopardize Richt’s chances of being fired, something most Georgia fans really want.
• Mississippi State @ ArKansas (CBS, 3:30pm ET).  I don’t know why this is on TV, since ArKansas is far and away the least interesting one-loss team in college football and has the smallest chance of making it to its own conference championship game.  No matter, you’re not watching this game.
• Clemson @ North Carolina State (ABC/ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  You’re not watching this either.
• Colorado State @ Texas Christian (Versus, 3:30pm ET). What’s a Colorado State?  Whatever it is, you’re not watching it either.
• Penn Shtate @ Ohio State (ABC/ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  This.  This is what you’re watching.  More on this later.
• Miami (FL) @ South Florida (ESPNU, 3:30pm ET), Texas Tech @ Missouri (ABC, 3:30pm ET).  More stuff you’re not watching and would be irresponsible to watch.
• Boston College @ Notre Dame (NBC, 4:00pm ET).  Last week, Notre Dame broke out the novelty helmets and green jerseys for a 2-7 ACC squad.  It worked, as the Irish won 45-21.  Does Notre Dame do the same this week against a 3-7 ACC squad?  That’s one whole win greater than last week’s terrifying opponent!
• Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (ESPNU, 7:00pm ET).  I guess I’ve been too busy making fun of 5-5 Florida inside the SEC to take notice of the Tennessee Volunteers.  The Volunteers have yet to win in conference and, at 4-6 on the season, that’s quite frankly embarrassing.  So embarrassing, in fact, that it’s led to the Vols to be underdogs at home… to VANDERBILT.  So, if Derek Dooley beats Vanderbilt at home, it would be his best coaching win at Tennessee because he has never won as an underdog.
• Colorado @ UCLA (Versus, 7:30pm ET).  Good for Colorado to actually win a conference game, having won last week against Arizona.  If the Buffs are feeling frisky, they might go for their first road win since a win at Texas Tech in October 2007.
• USC @ Oregon (ABC, 8:00pm ET).  With most of the SEC schools cycling off to play 1-AA teams before their respective season finales, the Pac-12′s presence on ESPN will be bigger this week.  A win for Oregon sends the Ducks to the Pac-12 Championship Game, where no one will give a shit what they do there because Oregon can’t win out of conference.  Meanwhile, a win for USC would be nice for USC’s 14 or 15 fans, but I think their bowl ban also includes the Pac-12 Championship Game as well.  So, there you go.
• Oklahoma @ Baylor (ABC, 8:00pm ET).  I guess stranger things have happened, but how badly does Oklahoma rip Baylor apart in this game?  Baylor has potential, and they’ll host this game at night, but Texas A&M and Oklahoma State have already thrashed them this season.  Though OU will be without Ryan Broyles, and all three Baylor losses this season have been on the road, it’s hard to imagine Oklahoma not winning this game.  But, if the stranger thing does happen, it makes Bedlam in Week 14 less interesting.  Oklahoma State gets the conference’s BCS bid, assuming it beats Iowa State on Friday night.
• Kansas State @ Texas (FX, 8:00pm ET).  This could be Kansas State’s fourth straight win over Texas, which would be adorable.
• California @ Stanford (ESPN, 10:15pm ET).  The Game won’t be as compelling for Stanford now that it holds none of the cards in the Pac-12.  An at-large bid is very much on the table, but it needs Oregon to lose out in order to play in the Pac-12 Championship Game.  That’s not happening.  Alas, it’s a Stanford home game, which means: Stanford’s band. Rock.
• New Mexico State @ Brigham Young (ESPNU, 10:15pm ET).  Is there enough money that the Church of Latter Day Saints and Brigham Young University would accept in order to get the crowd to sing “I Believe” en masse during halftime?  I’ll raise those funds.  Believe me.  I will.

1. Though, let us not mistake that Ohio State’s fans must never, ever accept failure or mediocrity as the norm for any period of time. Ever.

You thought I didn't know about Family Affair? Wrong. WRONG. Anissa Jones (far left) was born in West Lafayette to two Purdue Students.

This is the home stretch for almost everyone.  Games played from here going forward have the potential to bomb the BCS picture as we currently see it.  This holds for the major conferences (except the B1G TEN, which opted out of the BCS title picture in mid-October).  The game of the week (though not of the century!) will be played in Palo Alto between the Ducks and the Cardinal.  A Stanford win sets up what could be a fairly straightforward ticket to New Orleans, pending Bedlam between Oklahoma and Oklahoma State.  A loss would have the locals in Boise throwing their potatoes in the air like they just don’t care.  An ArKansas (v. Tennessee) or Alabama (@ Mississippi State) loss at night makes LSU’s berth in the SEC title game almost a given.

Meanwhile, Ohio State plays Purdue.  Yep.  Penn Shtate hosts Nebrasky in what would be the B1G’s Game of the Week, all else equal.  But no one’s talking about that in Happy Valley right now…

Anyways, here’s what’s on.

Tuesday

• Northern Illinois @ Bowling Green (ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  Ooooh, let me tell you what I want.  Iiiiii want #MACtion tonight.  Saaaaatisfaction all night.

• Western State Up North @ Toledo (ESPNU, 8:00pm ET).  This is the second straight week that Toledo conceded 63 points.  Toledo won this time, 66-63.  Good for you, Toledo… … good for you.

Wednesday

• Miami (of Brohio) @ Temple (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  This game just kicked off as I started typing this.  Pretend this game won’t already be over by time you read this in the morning.

Thursday

• Ohio @ Central State Up North (ESPNU, 7:30pm ET).  Hey, remember when the Chippewas were kings of the MAC?  It survived the departure of Brian Kelly to Cincitucky, but not the subsequent departure of Butch Jones.  The Mike Debord days are back in Mount Pleasant as the Chippewas are the worst team in the MAC West.  Meanwhile, Ohio is on pace to win the MAC East.  Assuming Miami of Brohio wins on Wednesday and the Bobcats win out, the season finale in Athens between the two programs takes the winner to Detroit.  Not sure if want, though…

• Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Virginia Tech could all but formalize its berth in the ACC Title Game if it beats Georgia Tech.  I forget which division, though.  Are they Leaders or Legends?  Anyways, the Hokies would have the tie-breaker over the Ramblin’ Wreck and would need to just beat the Hoos in Charlottesville to make it certain.  That assumes the Hoos don’t lose before that Week 13 matchup.  Meanwhile, guess who stands the most to benefit from a Georgia Tech victory? Yes, Virginia.  Seriously.  A Ramblin’ Wreck victory creates a 3-way logjam in the ACC’s Whatchamacallit Division and the Hoos have a tie-breaker over Georgia Tech.
• Houston @ Tulane (Regional, 8:00pm ET).  Hey, you know that #11 team with the record-setting quarterback that’s threatening to bust the BCS?  Well, you’re not watching them.  Sorry.

Friday

• South Florida @ Syracuse (ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  This will feature the two worst teams from the worst BCS conference.  Rather than talk about it, I’m just going to continue bitching about ESPN not having some type of setup with the WAC to have two of their crappy teams kickoff at like 11:00pm ET so I can watch football at the bar.  Get your shit together, ESPN.

Saturday

• Oklahoma State @ Texas Tech (ABC, 12:00pm ET).  It took some wrangling, but Oklahoma State eventually put away Kansas State, 52-45.  For their problems, the Cowboys were recently awarded the #2 BCS spot.  Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn’t the #2 BCS team at least pay some lip service to defense? At 110th nationally in total defense (461.3ypg), they are only better than powerhouses Wyoming, New Mexico State, Baylor, Troy, Rice, Ball State, Memphis, UAB, New Mexico, and Kansas.  [INSERT SEC TEAM HERE] would devour them in New Orleans, if that’s what it came to.
• Wake Forest @ Clemson (ESPNU, 12:00pm ET).  Winner goes to the ACC Title Game, representing the Whatever-the-other-one-is division.  Simple as that.  Both have tie-breakers over Florida State regardless of this game.
• Nebrasky @ Penn Shtate (ESPN, 12:00pm ET). *cough*
• Florida @ South Carolina (CBS, 12:00pm ET).  Remember last week’s Guide?  We had a discussion of the plight of the Florida Gators, then losers of four straight.  They were hosting Vanderbilt and needed to win that game in order to meet a rosy projection of 6-6 for the season.  Well, it took some effort, but they did beat Vandy, 26-21.  Now, a trip to #13 South Carolina.  Have fun with that, Boys from Old Florida.
• Texas @ Missouri (FX, 12:00pm ET).  Still waiting for Texas A&M or Missouri to spray-paint “SEC” over the Big XII field logo, a la the nWo.  Still being disappointed.  Incidentally, send Missouri a bouquet of flowers for joining the SEC.  Their powers combined with A&M, the Buckeyes go from 3-11-1 against the SEC to 17-12-2.  The Buckeyes are 10-1-1 against Missouri and 4-0 versus the Aggies.
• Michigan State @ Iowa (ESPN2, 12:00pm ET).  Everything is turning up Sparty!  After the Cornhuskers wet the bed at home against Nerdwestern, the Spartans remain the only team in the Leaders (or Legends? I still don’t know) with just one conference loss.  With only Indiana and Nerdwestern waiting for them after the game, they have to be the favorites to make it to Indianapolis.  Meanwhile, Iowa — yes, Iowa — controls its own destiny.  Their road is tougher, but the Hawkeyes have the tie-breaker over That Team Up North already and can take Sparty and Nebrasky out of the picture themselves in this month.  What a stupid, stupid year for the B1G TEN.
• West Virginia @ Cincitucky (ABC, 12:00pm ET).  You can start looking forward to Cincitucky radio stations declaring the Bearcats as “Ohio’s BCS team” once more.  The Bearcats are undefeated in conference play and have the tie-breaker over the only other Big East team with less than two conference losses (Louisville).  C’est la vie.
• Ohio State @ Purdue (Big Ten Network, 12:00pm ET).  Unlike last week, this will be the primary game on your BTN channels.  More on this later.
• Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (“SEC Network”, 12:21pm ET). …mmm no. No, thank you.
• Texas Christian @ Boise State (Versus, 3:30pm ET).  This is Boise State’s last chance to lose a game, for all intents and purposes.  My favorite aspect of this game remains that Texas Christian was supposed to host this game when it first appeared on the schedule.  Recall that Boise State just switched conferences from the WAC to the Mountain West.  But, Texas Christian signaled its intent to bolt for the Big East (those were the days…), which prompted a punishment from the Mountain West.  A conference call was convened about who would host this game and only those that would be members for the 2012 season were allowed to vote.  And so, it was done.  Oh, you guys you do the silliest things when you’re being petty and spiteful…
• Auburn @ Georgia (CBS, 3:30pm ET).  This is one of the various SEC rivalry games, the name of which you struggle to remember.  It’s called the “Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry” (I had to Wikipedia it).  Remember how Georgia opened the season by stinking it up against Boise State and South Carolina?  Well, the Bulldogs haven’t lost since.  Meanwhile, South Carolina has two SEC losses on the season and kinda needs a solid from either Auburn this week or Kentucky next week in order to make a return visit to Atlanta.
• Wisconsin @ Minnesota (Big Ten Network, 3:30pm ET).  This… this will not be pretty.  I think Bret Bielema’s card says the same.
• That State Up North @ Illinois (ABC/ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  This might have been the B1G TEN’s Game of the Year last year, omitting the Wisconsin-Ohio State game because I choose to forget that.  The 67-65 3 overtime victory for Rich Rodriguez was the difference in getting to a bowl game, though the Wolverines were promptly spanked by Mississippi State.  For all intents and purposes, Illinois is the Michigan of this year.  They have lost three straight… and in ugly fashion.
• Miami @ Florida State (ABC/ESPN, 3:30pm ET).  Miami at Florida State, Nebrasky at Penn Shtate.  How great would these games have been if it were only 1994…
• Tennessee @ ArKansas (ESPN2, 6:00pm ET).  You probably don’t know it because it got skunked by Alabama in the SEC opener, but ArKansas is the #8 team in the country and challenging for an at-large bid to the BCS again.  Not bad.  Not sure why this has to be a night game and treated as a marquee matchup, but that’s the Worldwide Leader for you…
• Western Kentucky @ Louisiana State (ESPNU, 7:00pm ET).  Is this the Game of the Century™ equivalent of the “after sex cigarette”?
• Maryland vs. Notre Dame [@ Landover Field] (NBC, 7:30pm ET).  Despite the fact this isn’t a Notre Dame home game (at least, it’s not in South Bend), NBC is on the call.  Notre Dame is making waves nationally not because of the quality of football on the field.  It hasn’t done that since 1989; don’t be ridiculous.  It’s making news because this is what it has decided to wear against Maryland.  The Terrapins will go with its Week 1 uniforms against the Irish, but the Irish are trying to one-up them.  In addition, Notre Dame will wear the green jerseys.  Because when you play a 2-7 ACC team in Baltimore that has not beat an FBS team since Week 1, you need all the magic you can get, son.
• Alabama @ Mississippi State (ESPN, 7:45pm ET).  I know I’ve mentioned this in one of the previous week’s TV Guides, but you know how the SEC tends to get these night games on ESPN/ESPN2 that have no earthly business being night games?  Oh hi, Starkville.  Didn’t see you there.
• Oregon @ Stanford (ABC, 8:00pm ET).  I’m going to be watching this, and a lot of it.  I don’t see a lot of teams that can beat [INSERT SEC TEAM HERE] in New Orleans for the BCS title, but I think Stanford is as good as it gets.  Plus, don’t tell The Best Damn Band in the Land that I have a not-so-secret crush on Stanford’s marching band.  Those guys rule and, Goddammit, they need to be in New Orleans this January for all the Tostitos.  Or All-State Insurance claims. Or whatever.

Hoagy Carmichael: Bloomington born and raised, two-time IU grad, not the problem drinker that John Smith was.

Last week was fun, wasn’t it?

Much like Ohio State could not dwell on the more deleterious outcomes earlier this season, so too must they not dwell on the exhilarating high of the dramatic win over Wisconsin.  To that end, Ohio State looks forward to playing the Indiana Hoosiers while the rest of the college football landscape builds toward an exciting conclusion at the end of the month.  The Buckeyes have a nooner on the Big Ten Network to be shared with Minnesota and Michigan State.  Their day will be long done before some of the crazier games start kicking off around the country.  Here are the games you will be watching through the week.

Tuesday

• Northern Illinois @ Toledo (ESPN2, 7:00pm ET).  The “D” in Toledo was the only “D” this entire game.  Northern Illinois won a shootout, scoring the game-winning touchdown with 19 seconds left to prevail 63-60.  Meanwhile, Tim Beckman — like Luke Fickell — invests in a conservative, timeout-heavy portfolio that appreciates in value in the following weeks.  Seriously, he expected his defense to win the game for him?

Wednesday

• Temple @ Ohio (ESPN, 7:00pm ET). This game is playing as I type this post.  Ohio is up 7-0.  Winner likely plays in the MAC Championship Game.  So, snarky comments, ummm. Ohio: you and your Rainbow Bobcat uniforms look ridiculous and I only know of you for your tuberculosis ward.  Temple: I plum forgot you still played football.  So, yeah.  Think about that.  Hurts, don’t it?

Thursday

• Akron @ Miami (OH) (ESPNU, 7:30pm ET).  It’s here if you want it.
• Florida State @ Boston College (ESPN, 8:00pm ET).  Florida State plays on Thursdays now.  The team of the 1990s, plays on Thursdays now.  The Seminoles should handle the Jesuits, who have but one conference win (last week against Maryland).  Importantly for Florida State fans, even that does them no favors in the ACC whatchamacallit division.  Clemson now has a conference loss and Wake Forest now has two, both losing in Week 9 to Georgia Tech and North Carolina respectively.  Both, however, have the tie-breaker win.  Who picked Florida State as a trendy surprise team in the BCS again? *sheepishly raises hand*
• Tulsa @ UCF (Regional, 8:00pm ET).  Winner gets a Big East invite.  Loser gets a Big East invite.

Friday

• Central State Up North @ Kent State (ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  There is no particular reason to watch this game, unless you want to support Darrell Hazell in his first year as Kent State coach.  It is worth noting, though, that this is the fourth of five days of college football in the state of Ohio.  Ohio State’s game on Saturday will be the finale.
• USC @ Colorado (ESPN, 9:00pm ET). USC looks to rebound from last week’s heartbreaking 3 OT loss to Stanford by traveling to Boul-

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Saturday

• That State Up North @ Iowa (ESPN, 12:00pm ET).  How hopeless is the situation in Iowa City?  By losing last week to Minnesota, they have denied us B1G TEN freaks with discussing Minnesota as possibly the worst conference team in the B1G’s 116 year history.  I would not have pegged the Wolvereenies as the one-loss overachievers and Iowa as the team that cannot win on the road.  But that doesn’t matter.  You’re not watching that game anyways.
• Minnesota @ Michigan State (Big Ten Network, 12:00pm ET).  BTN better not give me this game instead of Ohio State-Indiana.
• Texas Tech @ Texas (FX, 12:00pm ET).  When was the last time, if ever, Texas Tech has defeated both Oklahoma and Texas, on the road no less?  Texas is a meek team, though Texas Tech’s post-OU 41-7 home loss to Iowa State does not bode confidence.  Then again, you’re not watching this game.
• Syracuse @ Connecticut (ESPNU, 12:00pm ET).  You’re not watching this game either.
• Indiana @ Ohio State (Big Ten Network, 12:00pm ET).  This is what you’re watching.  More on this later.
• Vanderbilt @ Florida (“SEC Network”, 12:21pm ET).  You’re not watching this game, but let’s talk a little bit about it.  Who would have guessed that Florida would be flirting with bowl ineligibility at this point in the season.  It’s true; they are.  After the once-in-a-blue-moon loss to the Georgia Bulldogs last week in the World’s Largest Outdoor Punch and Pie Social, the Gators are losers of their last four straight and are 4-4 on the season.  They finish the conference slate with Vandy at home and South Carolina on the road.  Thereafter, they play Furman and host Florida State.  Ostensibly, they are projected (by me, at least) to finish 6-6 on the season and that assumes they beat the Commodores.  Vandy is a close-but-no-cigar squad in SEC play, playing tough games against Georgia and ArKansas, but losing both.  Bowl ineligibility for the Gators this season would prompt the world’s smallest violin to be played around the Buckeye State.
• Stanford @ Oregon State (ABC, 3:30pm ET).  This week: 2-6 Oregon State.  Next week: 7-1 Oregon in Palo Alto.
• Texas A&M @ Oklahoma (ABC/ESPN2, 3:30pm ET).  I guess there might have been a time in the preseason when we all thought this would be de facto Big XII Championship Game, but then A&M, you know, became A&M and Oklahoma, you know, had its typical game where we start loudly wondering how overrated Brett Venables is.  It’s how these things usually work out.
• Nerdwestern @ Nebrasky (Big Ten Network, 3:30pm ET).  After giving Michigan State its yearly Sparty, (Oh God) No! game, the Cornhuskers are in the driver’s seat to win the whatever their division is called.  This game will pit the Cornhuskers against the team they last obliterated 66-17 in the 2000 Alamo Bowl.  The Nerds have only one win the four games played between them, a 19-7 win in 1931.
• Purdue @ Wisconsin (ABC/ESPN2, 3:30pm ET).  Wisconsin returns home after the two-week road trip sent from hell.  I would not want to be Purdue right about now.
• Ole Miss @ Kentucky (ESPNU, 3:30pm ET).  Who. The Hell. Keeps putting these two teams on television?
• Army @ Air Force (CBS, 3:30pm ET).  I’ll probably end up watching this instead of anything else.
• Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (ESPNU, 7:00pm ET). This is somehow only a marginally more interesting NFL game.
• South Carolina @ ArKansas (ESPN, 7:15pm ET).  If I recall correctly, this is a protected inter-divisional game in the SEC.  Much like the B1G TEN with Nebrasky and Penn Shtate in 2010, the SEC decided to pit the western-most and eastern-most squads against each other every year to really jack up travel costs for respective fan bases.  Is it just me or does it seem like South Carolina plays a night game every Saturday that I end up not watching?
• Arizona State @ UCLA (Versus, 7:30pm ET).  All 54 of UCLA’s fans that show up probably brought a portable TV so they can watch CBS during this game.
• Louisiana State @ Alabama (CBS, 8:00pm ET).  You probably have heard about this game by now.  It’s the latest installment of the greatest, besterest Game of the Century Brought to You by the Southeastern Conference™.  And, like the other installments, I’m going to laugh. out. loud when it does not outdraw the 2006 Ohio State-TSUN game from 2006.
• Kansas State @ Oklahoma State (ABC/ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  So, did the Sooners bring Bill Snyder’s Wildcats back to the Planet Earth?  If not, Mike Gundy probably will.  On an unrelated note, call me old-fashioned, but shouldn’t the favorite to play [INSERT SEC TEAM HERE] in the BCS Championship Game at least give some type of lip service to defense?  Oklahoma State is 110th nationally in total defense, allowing 455 yards a game and almost 4 touchdowns.  [INSERT SEC TEAM HERE] would drill them, hard, in New Orleans.
• Notre Dame @ Wake Forest (ABC/ESPN2, 8:00pm ET).  Is this for real?