It’s Official: Maryland Goes B1G in 2014

Posted by Vico in B1G TEN |

Yeah, I got an M and I'm a turtle. I'm HARDCORE.

That thing I expressed some reservation about yesterday is official.  Maryland will join the B1G TEN starting the 2014-15 academic year.  If you missed the press conference, you can catch up on Big Ten Network with clips here and here.  No one said anything about the “R word”, but Rutgers is basically next.  Stuff has been said about it here, here, here, here, and here, and, I’m sure, everywhere else.  Testudo Times is your Maryland blog of choice.  Google stuff on the internets to find more.  It’s a series of tubes!™

The preliminary plan is to move Rutgers and Maryland into the Leaders (the division we’re in) and ship Illinois to the Legends (the one we’re not in).  This is bullshit and it’s stupid and it should be set on fire, along with the rest of the Legends and Leaders concept.  The B1G TEN needs now, and it needed before, the simplest of east and west divisional arrangements for football.  Set everything on fire and break Jim Delany’s garden gnomes until that happens.  If Purdue has a problem with maybe being split from Indiana in the new divisional arrangement, set it on fire.  In fact, find out who or what a “Purdue” is (this always drove me crazy), and then set it on fire.  The moment the B1G TEN starts kow-towing to imaginary friends like “Purdue” is the moment the conference has jumped the shark.

I said this before with Nebrasky, and I’ll say it again.  Welcome our new friends for Maryland.  Show them their office, give them the keys to the mail room, and teach them how to work the office copier.  It’s kind of screwy.  General rule for our new Maryland friends: if you drink the last of the pot of coffee, you have to make more.  This is subject to change when the B1G offices finally buy those Keurig machines we’ve been wanting.  Welcome them with open arms, but, you touch Ohio State’s stuff, Maryland, and we’ll dropkick you into a microwave and crank it until you bake like a fucking potato.  Don’t touch our stuff.

Welcome, Maryland.

 

Written by: Vico | full bio

Vico is the nom de guerre of the founder and current website chair of Our Honor Defend. He is currently living in exile in Alabama.

 

3 Responses to “It’s Official: Maryland Goes B1G in 2014”

  1. 1 Nick

    I do not approve. Nebraska? Absolutely. Rutgers and Maryland? You can’t be serious, Delaney.

  2. 2 Michael

    The only turtle that belongs in the B1G is the Illibuck.

  3. 3 Denis

    See, we should have grabbed Missouri when we had the chance instead of Ruddy. Then we could have beaten UM four times in the same season.

    Maryland I can almost be at east with, but Rutgers? Do they really offer the keys to the Gotham TV Market? I doubt it and they offer little but claiming the first ever National Championship – disputed with the only other claimant, well team for that matter, that competed for it (Princeton, the reason we are not Black and Orange along with the two other OSUs).

    The Scarlet Knights – Scarlet that ours. Too damn much red in this conference already. It dilutes our brand.

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