Our Honor Defend

I’ve gathered you all here in the accusing parlor because one of you is a Penn State fan.  Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than Penn State blogger Tim, of Linebacker-U.  Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake: interviewing me a few weeks ago.  Therein, I discussed some points of interest regarding Ohio State for the Penn State fan.  Now, I’ve gathered Tim in the accusing parlor so that he may defend himself against the accusation of being a proud Penn State fan and alumnus.  In this feature, I ask Tim a set of questions regarding Penn State football for the Ohio State audience.  In the process of accusation, hopefully Ohio State fans reading this will be a little more familiar with the 2010 Penn State team they will face late in the upcoming season.

J’accuse, Tim.

OHD: Linebacker-U is one of my favorite Big Ten blogs. It formed a while back as the alchemy of The Nittany Line, Zombie Nation and Happy Hour Valley, dubbing itself “the Voltron of Penn State blogs”. However, since the new product is entirely different (and of course greater) than the sum of its parts, the wrong children’s cartoon was chosen for the metaphor. What led to the formation of what is more accurately “the Captain Planet of Penn State blogs”? Also, Big Ten bro tip: parading around town in your underpants and a green mullet while hanging out with a group of unaccompanied minors is not helping the conference’s image.

Tim: You know, I really love that suggestion (The “Captain Planet” of Penn State blogs). In fact, I e-mailed Mike about that idea and he seems to like it. Granted, we’ll probably face some resistance since Galen hates the environment and goes through cans of hairspray at a rate that would make Pauly D jealous. Also, our intern Ryan is automatically being delegated as Ma-Ti…And I have no idea what you’re talking about with the ‘parading’ incident: Are you certain that wasn’t meant for an MSU blogger?

To answer your initial question though, I first pitched the idea last summer to Mike about combining our respective blogs (Zombie Nation and Happy Hour Valley) but those talks ultimately fell through. A few weeks later though, Mike e-mailed me with the idea of starting a completely new website (I would have jumped over to ZN under the original idea) and trying to get Galen and Nick from The Nittany Line on board. Several butterscotch candy bribes later, Linebacker-U.com was formed. Sometime after that, Ryan came begging at our doorstep for a position on our staff. For some reason, he thinks we’re a credible site that will help him with his journalism career (Ryan is currently a senior in PSU’s College of Communications). Not that I’m complaining though, anything that inflates the legitimacy of our website is fine by me.

OHD: It was easy to dog on Penn State’s scheduling a few years back. No such comment can be made for the 2010 season. Your Nitts have the unenviable task of facing the preseason #1 and #2 teams in Tuscaloosa and Columbus¹. Let’s start with the defending national champions. I happen to live in Tuscaloosa. The Skoal-sucking, mouthbreathing locals down here think you’re going to get beat by 40. I also happen to watch a little bit of ESPN. Their talking heads also have you being beat by 40². Why are they right and why might they be in for a rude awakening? Also, as this is a Big Ten-SEC affair, you are responsible for shutting up the very demographic that my Buckeyes enabled in bowl games that will not be belabored here. No pressure or anything.

Tim: You’ve obviously never been to State College. Trust me, Centre County features those same Skoal-suckers you mention exist anywhere outside of a 5-mile radius from State College. And don’t even get me started on the neighboring counties… (Vico editorial note: Good to know. I’ll make sure to never go to the Alabama part of Pennsylvania.)

I can also tell you watch just ‘a little bit’ of ESPN, since you’re not repeating the OMG ESSS EEE CEEE SPEED mantra that the talking heads on there love to do. You have to love though, how they’re ignoring the fact that Bama returns only one starter defensively. Not to mention the fact, Bama hasn’t exactly looked very inspired in practice as of late. Unfortunately, I can’t predict that we’ll win this game and shut up those talking heads, but I’m hopeful we can at least keep it close for 3.5 quarters. I just see an inexperienced QB along with a conservative game plan derailing our chances in the end.

OHD: The road tilt against the Buckeyes happens to be the last road game for your season. If I am any indication of Buckeye fans in general, it will happen to be in front of a fanbase that is still plenty pissed off over the 2008 game. We will consider anything short of Mike McQueary openly weeping by the 4th quarter to be an unqualified disappointment. What do you see happening this game? Will a rebuilding (at important positions) Penn State team be clicking by time they enter the Horseshoe?

Tim: Well, FYI: Mike McQueary never cries. Not even a sniffle. You guys might want to lower your expectations a bit there (ed. Oh he will cry. He WILL cry.). That wonderful, wonderful, night in October of 2008 notwithstanding, here’s how the game will play out: Penn State will score first and will then revert to an uber-conservative gameplan in an effort to sit on the slim lead before OSU reclaims the lead via forcing the QB to fumble the ball in his own end zone, a pick-six, or even a beautiful scramble-bomb of a TD pass by TP. OSU will then proceed to tack on another score or two to put the game out of reach.

In other words: It will be your typical PSU performance in Columbus.

OHD: I admit I don’t get to follow rival teams as much as I would like, but I don’t read too many objectively positive things coming out of Happy Valley. The Nitts have quality skillplayers at wide receiver and tailback, but appear to have huge issues in the last places where you want them: quarterback and offensive line. How bad is the quarterback situation and who is going to come up and assist Stefen Wisniewski in creating running lanes for Green and Royster?

Tim: Think of it like the Threet/Sheridan situation at Michigan back in 2008…except there’s actual talent amongst our group of QB’s. Paul Jones has redshirted, despite showing nice arm strength in the Blue-White Game so he’s out of the running for now. For all of his passing deficiencies, Kevin Newsome is still a hell of an athlete which is why he’s still in the running. Even if his future isn’t at QB, Newsome certainly could do well at some sort of skill position (i.e. WR, CB, Safety). Matt McGloin lacks the natural arm strength and athleticism but he’s looked better than Newsome thus far passing-wise and may very well be the starter for the Youngstown State game..at least until freshman phenom Robert Bolden takes over as the starter by the Temple game. It’s no joke: Every insider practice report we’ve been reading about Bolden indicates that he has great arm strength, accuracy, and is quick on his feet. In other words: Bolden is the quintessential Spread HD quarterback that the coaching staff is looking for. I’m still somewhat skeptical of Joe allowing a true frosh to be the starter barring an injury but I feel he may have no choice this time around if Bolden is truly as good as practice video shows.

As far as the O-line is concerned: Doug Klopacz has the center position locked down (mostly cause there’s nobody else), Quinn Barham and De’Ontae Pannell will hold down the LG and LT positions, respectively and Lou Eliades will be at RG. Of course, whether they will mesh together quickly is another question of its own. It really irks me how almost every year the O-line is a “question mark.” To me, this indicates that either our staff does a terrible job recruiting at this position (which I tend not to believe since we get our share of 4-star O-linemen) or they do a shitty job of developing them (ed. God knows Buckeye fans have had this discussion before.  Not fun.). I’d look for some major turnover on the O-line coaching staff once JoePa steps down.

OHD: You guys call yourself “Linebacker-U”, something Buckeye fans, in all our delightful hubris, casually respond to with “Yeah, I guess they’ve had some good ones. I mean, they’re not Steve Tovar good, though.” “Linebacker-U” matriculated its starting three linebackers to graduation and the NFL. Who’s up next?

Tim: There’s a good reason we’re nicknamed “Linebacker-U.” Despite losing our starting three, we have several very talented LBs waiting for their turn. If I were to venture a guess right now, I’d say we start Bani Gbadyu and Mike Mauti on the outside while Chris Colasanti mans the middle. There’s hardly any dropoff between these guys and those who may not start such as Gerald Hodges (sophomore who’s being endlessly praised), Mike Yancich, and Nate Stupar. We also have a stud frosh in Khairi Fortt, who asked for and received LaVar Arrington’s blessing to wear his old #11. Fortt may be buried somewhat on the depth chart, but if he’s truly that good, look for him to sneak in some meaningful PT.

By the way, who’s Steve Tovar? Never heard of him. Sounds like a nice fellow. (ed.  He is a nice fellow, and a better linebacker than Shane Conlan.  Cue rage from Penn State fans for such a silly statement in 3… 2… 1…)

OHD: On the serious note, I was a little troubled by this Lancaster (PA) article detailing concerns over Joe Paterno’s health. It echoes a recent piece by Brian Cook talking about how Joe Paterno is “getting old again” and the implications that has for the direction of Penn State football. The article paints a very grim picture of Joe Paterno’s current status. Far from mentioning the old claim that “the assistants do most of the heavy lifting”, it suggests that Paterno appears to be sickly, weak and implies that JoePa may not make it to the end of the season. What do you make of this article and the suggestion that Paterno’s last day in office is coming much sooner than later?

Tim: Normally, this would be an “in one ear, out the other” talk for me. I’ve heard more than enough speculation over the years of “this will be Joe’s last season” to know better than to take these claims seriously. However, it should be noted that Joe has spent much of the offseason recovering from a bout with intestinal flu symptoms which forced him to cancel several speaking engagements at Alumni events. It certainly wasn’t encouraging either to read about how slow Joe looked in practice.

The fact of the matter is, he turns 84 in December and given that his contract ends after 2011 (not that he needs a contract to coach, but for formalities sake) plus his recent health issues, plus the fact it’s been a few years since he last went on the recruiting trail himself, this is the first time that I can truly say these “retirement” rumors may have some legs. Whether those said rumors begin to grow giant leafy arms and terrorize Tokyo, we’ll have to see. I think he’ll be okay come September and should finish the season. After that though, anything is possible.

Word Association

OHD: “Too Country”

• Tim: Terrelle Pryor (ed. I thought I set him up perfectly for an “arm punt” retort and he did not take it.  I was pleasantly surprised.)

OHD: Anthony Morelli

• Tim: Had successfully erased him from my memory until now.

OHD: “Spread HD”

• Tim: Ain’t nothin’ to f*ck with

OHD: Ed DeChellis

• Tim: Meh. “Play hard, on three…”

OHD:

• Tim: I wonder if Tom Bradley (PSU’s defensive coordinator) practices that pose in front of a mirror every morning before going to work?

OHD: Zack Mills

• Tim: Oh, what could’ve been (i.e. getting injured at Wisconsin in 2002 and the subsequent tanking of his passing numbers)³

Extra Credit

OHD: You apparently have a cologne, a “university fragrance” aimed at creating a “signature scent” of Penn State University that “exudes Penn State”. So, shouldn’t it smell like ice cream and cow musk?

Tim: More like booze and turfgrass.

OHD: What in God’s name is up with those Penn State goons dressed up in the Halloween masks of football players and Joe Paterno?  Seriously, what’s the story behind that?  It’s been bugging the hell out of me for years.  Don’t they have jobs or something?

Tim: I don’t know the entire story, but I can assure you: They all have steady day jobs. One of the ‘goons’ Paul Duda, is actually a renowned photographer. There was an article in a recent edition of the “Penn Stater” (PSU Alumni Association’s Magazine) featuring him and his many gorgeous photos taken from around the world. It’s unknown however, whether he went around the world wearing the mask.

I thank Tim for his time and for being a good sport while I hurled accusations at him.  Make sure to read Linebacker-U if you want to be up to date with a team that we hope to demolish late in the upcoming season.  And, seriously, McQueary will cry.

1. They’ll also face preseason #10 Iowa in Iowa City. [↩]
2. I think I even see the wad of Skoal in Craig James lip the more I watch ESPN. [↩]
3. Tim’s Sidenote: I missed that 2001 PSU-OSU game due to a high school district championship cross-country meet. I only heard one of the assistant coaches blurt out the score when it was 27-9 Buckeyes, which was right before my race was about to start. An hour later, after cooling down from a grueling race, I returned to the assistant coach’s pickup truck right as the game was ending and heard Steve Jones (the announcer) excitedly reporting the final score and JoePa’s record-breaking 324th win. Thankfully, I was able to watch a replay later that week on ESPN Classic…is anybody still reading this? [↩]