Our Honor Defend

COLUMBUS, OH — Athletic department officials for New Mexico State University, an institution of what is being reported as “higher learning” in what is being reported as a recognized state of “New Mexico”, have confirmed that the football team has earned $850,000 on Saturday, October 31, 2009.  The sizable sum of money comes after completion of a service performed for its counterpart The Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio this afternoon that university officials insist was perfectly legit and violated no laws.

Representatives of New Mexico State University present in Columbus, Ohio for the transfer of money for a service performed were pleasantly surprised that the cash payment involved so little work on their end.

“Oh yeah, I was expecting I was going to have to, likely, really earn the money we were being promised in Columbus, Ohio”, said Jeff Fleming, sophomore.  “Instead, all I had to do was move around for 53 total yards.”

“Though I kind of feel cheated,” Fleming added.  “Everyone else gets to share the 850,000 dollars, but I had to do 85 percent of the work”, referring to his team’s 62 total yards this game.

Duron Carter, a freshman who was present at the point of transaction, echoed that sentiment.  “Yeah, what’s up with that?  I did more work in 3 plays than they did the entire game”, referencing his 3 receptions for 82 yards in the payout game for The Ohio State University.

The value of the payout by New Mexico State University was not lost on DeWayne Walker, head coach for the tackle football team who retrieved the money.

“The $850,000 will go to great lengths to provide snacks for our tackle football team“, Walker said.  “We plan to use the money to buy some Capri Sun and some orange slices for our boys after a strenuous day of not doing anything on the gridiron”.

Walker added: “However, judging from the ferocious defense, it may be in our interest next time to try a bake sale if we need more money.”