Seriously, Hannibal was crossing the northern plains of Italy when Mike Adams created the Alps with a punishing pancake block.

Mike Adams was cracking fine California walnuts, just east of San Luis Obispo, when he created the San Andreas fault (his girlfriend at the time was named Andrea).

In the future, Mike Adams will:
Move Venus into a twin orbit with the earth, to provide a terrestial alternative for mankind.
Turn water into wine, then turn wine into gasoline, liberating the world from its energy crisis.
Reveal all dark matter in the universe for scientists to easily see and study.
Yank Osama bin Laden out of his hole, and pancake-block his candy-turban-ass into deep space.
Defeat the forces of evil at Armageddon.
Disprove the Theory of Relativity, and prove Einstein to be a dumb-shit.

and things of that nature…

Mike Adams broke up Pangaea.

When a suicide terrorist dies, there is only Mike Adams waiting for him in the afterlife. And Mike. is. pissed.

The sun moves east to west in a 24hr period in a futile attempt to flee Mike Adams’ wrath. Mike Adams will catch it eventually, once he gets bored kicking everybody’s ass at Madden 07.

Out of boredom, Mike Adams started throwing his medicine balls into outer space. His former medicine balls are the moons that orbit Jupiter.

Mike Adams and Chuck Norris got into a burping contest in one of their power drinking Thursday night socials. Scientists used this (and the millions of dollars in destruction that followed) as inspiration for the neutron bomb.

Mike Adams was the life-size model used for Michelangelo’s statue of Moses. What Michelangelo was only partially able to sculpt, however, was Mike Adams getting up out of his chair and pancaking the one studio assistant who wouldn’t get off his damn cellphone. Seriously, that shit drives Mike Adams nuts.

The TV show The Six Million Dollar Man is mostly based on Mike Adams’ jamming a finger on one of his many blocking rampages as a toddler. Mike Adams relented to this mostly biographical production, but asked specifically for Lee Marvin to play the role of Steve Austin. The original casting director heard that as Lee Majors. Long story short: Mike Adams owns all production and merchandising rights to the show as well as the original casting director’s crushed skull.

Mike Adams knows all the digits of pi. Every single damn one of them.

Mike Adams is obviously a pseudonym. In the time it would take to pronounce but one syllable of Mike Adams’ real name, he would become bored, lose interest in you breathing, and revoke your living privileges.

Mike Adams invented the number zero. He needed some integer to express the number of mistakes he makes.

Jesus turned the water into wine. Mike Adams turned the wine into grain alcohol. Then the party really got started.

I also think he and Hasselhoff teamed up to tear down the Berlin Wall.

This is quickly becoming my new favorite Ohio State Blog. You really give thorough data and amazing information. I disagree with you about who my favorite prospect in the 08 class is (I am more on Adams’ teammate Stoney’s bandwagon), but Adams is an unstoppable machine. Great Blog

Joshua blew the horn at Jericho, which summoned Mike Adams to deliver a pancake block on the city walls.

Mike Adams’ name, in Japanese, means Divine Wind, and inspired many WWII pilots to foolishly attempt pancake blocks on U.S. Navy ships.

The only successful naval pancake block during WWII was delivered by Mike Adams against the Bismark.

Vincent Van Gogh was shaving within the blast radius of a Mike Adams pancake block, and severed his ear.

On December 26, 2004, Mike Adams accidentally pancaked the Pacific Ocean, while attempting a canonball, and launched the deadly Asian Tsunami.

The Large Hadron Collider, at CERN, was designed to measure the force and sub-atomic particles created by a Mike Adams pancake block.

The USSR developed its nuclear arsenal as a deterrent to a Mike Adams pancake block. MAD means Mike Adams Deterrent, not Mutually Assured Destruction.

Feel free to add to Mike Adams’ through history!